I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart. ~ Albany Bach Reid

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wise Man : Part 12 'A Ride to Remember'

Me : Wow. We’ve survived the whole year!

WM : I find it very fascinating when I’ve reached the last chapter of every Yearbook I’ve indulged in. Some ‘books’ would unswervingly present happy endings and in their unique way, egg on another ‘book’ to enjoy. Some would viciously end with a prequel which in some grotesque way reminds me of the qualms and dissatisfaction I’ve experienced throughout the chapter you see.

Me : Me too. I mean, it is a lot better when most endings are good ones. I dig that. However we can never skip the uncertainty nerves in dealing with how the ‘book’ should have ended. Yet, let bygones be bygones.

WM : Exactly.

Me : I had a good reading. The last chapters were a bit nerve wreaking at some points but I managed to continue having my grasp on the book tighten. To be quite honest really, someone told me a really fascination example about life about a couple of weeks ago that had shed some light into my cognitive thinking.

WM : Are you saying that someone else other than Me has wonderfully provided you some insight about life? I demand his name. (chuckles)

Me : He told me, past things can’t simply be swept away, hidden under the carpet. It’s like driving a car. You need to check the rearview and even the side mirrors to make sure we can drive forward.

WM : I see.

Me : To make sure the coast is clear, you see. Cool ey?

WM : I guess. One thing for sure, it's one hell of a ride in 2009. Happy New Year, babe.

Me : Same here. I agree. Definitely one that I'd treasure. And babe, be nicer in 2010 ok?

WM : We’ll see.

Me : Am not sure yet about my resolution. But.. gees..to hell with it! 2010!! Here we come!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

You jump, I jump

'I see you'. Darn he's good.

Last Saturday, instead of going to bed early, my eyes were still wide-opened until late midnight watching Jack and Rose. With my father (he’s more into the sinking part). Yeap. Lol. My mother who was away for a few days having a blast in her ‘kampung’ would have laughed hard at us if she knew. We were glued to the screen until the moment the credit started to roll.

So, ‘Ada apa dengan Titanic?’

It’s a tragic love story. Obviously. I guess, maybe just maybe if Jack never would have died at the end, then the movie wouldn't have been such a success. The fact that he died, it left the viewers with tears running down their face wanting more. After everything Jack and Rose did to survive, through the water almost draining them, to getting shot at by Rose's fiancé, to the ship sinking from underneath them, to freezing to death, Jack still died and Rose went on with her life.

That's a tragedy within itself.

From that perspective, I might add that it is about a human innocence (you can see that in Rose) that is challenged not with dishonesty, violence (Cal such a moron) or moral relativity, but with the simple fact of death itself, with the timelessness of our memories and hopes for touching the past.

I mean, we always think of the past, right.

Every moment in that movie is a cool one. I mean, I have to be frank here. My father asked me how many times already I’ve watched it, and I gleefully replied ‘quite a few times, but not more than five’. Lol. Leonardo was my Arthur (from Merlin? Duh) back then.

I appreciate the whole package. The plot, the casting, everything. Even the way Katie Bates aka ‘the new money’ takes Jack under her wing caught my attention. And I simply love the look on Jack when he knew that he couldn’t hop onto the board together with Rose in the freezing ocean. Such a heart-breaking moment.

Titanic is a great film of the romantic tradition. It speaks to our hearts and minds rather than mystifies, shocks or surprises them. Hopelessly shweet am tellin' you. It’s about love and emotions, and clearly that the storyline is earnest and straightforward, wearing its heart on its sleeve.

I treasure the honesty in it. As simple as that.

Staying up late watching Titanic that night, was purely for the fun of it, understanding some idealism in living life and not to forget, escapism. We need that. Once in awhile.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

This is not about a frog prince

See that tall guy there? That’s William. My William. Opps. What I mean is, people’s beloved Prince William.

Mind the title above. But wait, he can still be the frog prince right 'cos to me, frog prince as in the fairy tale, was somebody good, kind and beautiful in the inside who eventually found true love and true self. Except the fact this one fella is smokin' hot outside as well. Lol.

He spent one night on the street. According to the news piece Associated Press on Yahoo!, he said that he needed to understand the deal of having no place to stay and how hard it is for the homeless to go through night after night exposed to the extreme cold and danger.

He has duplicated bits of his late mother’s heart then. No one would blame him if let say he can’t be bothered with the matter of poverty, malfunctions of families that lead to drugs or prostitutions, and hundreds other problems in the world particularly in Britain.

Yet he cares.

Even though never in thousand years he could ever understand the real meaning of striving for life, for making ends meet. So maybe he felt the nasty anxiety of sleeping in the cold without the usual fluffy pillows on an extra comfy huge bed that night, and maybe just maybe he knows how important safety and money are to us normal people.

Gees, out of nowhere am thinking of Arthur. You know, Arthur from Merlin? Yeah, the series now is officially my cup of tea. Big time.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Weep babe weep

Yesterday someone said to me, “I can tell you’re not someone that can easily shed a tear.” I didn’t say anything right away. I was busy recalling the words, because it was a statement, not some out-of-the-blue ‘Do you cry a lot?’ question.

So I silently questioned myself, how do I always project myself that people can if not harshly, effortlessly think that am not a soft-hearted soul?

Close kin may have noticed that I don’t usually express my nuisance, my pain by having tears running down my cheeks. It’s an atypical occasion am telling you. I’ve talked about it once here.

Instead I replied, “I have my own way of letting it all out. I have nothing against crying though ‘cos it still is one of the healing methods. It works for some.” I bit my lower lip, still trying to recollect the last time I cried. Aah yea. It happened a few weeks back when together with my father, we watched this National Geographic episode on Africa about this poor baby elephant, left alone and later died after her own mother died and ignored by others. I couldn’t refrain myself. Especially when it has to do with animals.

Suddenly, “Guess it means you only cry when your emotions are either deeply touched or bruised in some way.” Pause. “Do you think I can make you cry?”

I choked. What??

Monday, December 21, 2009

Mentally challenged?

Duty calls. Everyday. Gees. The first 3 weeks of every semester are always a .. 'gem'. Ha ha.

Yet. Am posting this one. 'Cos it happened to tickle my brain very early in the morning today. Thanks to the forwarded email.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'


'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'


Monday, December 7, 2009

Of recalling events

Okay so this entry is fundamentally about nothing. It’s just that about moments ago I was doing the usual reading on the net and then I caught the news about this underdog movie starring Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side, which I can’t really fathom the roar of that film beat the number one box office spot from New Moon this week. I mean come on, if a film is good, then it’s good. That easy.

Then I continued on clicking the Bullock’s films bla bla bla and then my eyes caught this picture.

Okay. I’m not going to talk about her hair, or her facial expression or anything. But what am I trying to digest here is that, that picture triggered my conscious mind. I came to a point where I suppose I’ve seen that shot before in a movie. Of short, it means I’ve watched that movie with that one movie still where Bullock looks some sort of web entangled-looking woman who is standing doing nothing in a middle of an empty stretchy road.

So I did some reading and that movie is called Premonition and then Bam! I hit the study with my right palm. I am bloody sure I’ve watched it, in fact I even know exactly the ending, even the whole storyline for crying out loud but I can’t remember when. Or where I watched it. (alright by now I guess you have stopped reading already ‘cos not one word makes sense) It's not even a movie that receives much applauding reviews from the critics.

Yet, it annoys me. So much. Gees. So maybe it’s not about the movie at all. Yeah, it’s not about the movie per say.

It’s pretty obvious isn’t it? It bugs me big time when I can’t recall something that worth recalling at a time.

Have you experienced that? Like when you hear a song, and suddenly this feeling of déjà vu kicked you in the spine, yet you face a tinky winky problem trying to recall the precise moment when it '(it' refers to anything that connects you the song) happened. Make sense?


It has nothing to do with having a loss of cognitive abilities right. Right?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Old journal resurfaced: What crawls beneath

The vast grey hole that kinda ate away weeks ago, when I had my so-called blow, continues to slowly radiate. Which is a good, good thing. I was at such a pitch of frantic activity, with my mind generating a half quarter million new ideas every minute, that a lifetime has lived so far.

Of late, I've been extensively reworking (which is no doubt why a lot of old stuff has been coming to the surface recently). Then this morning, I located my long-lost journal (it’s not entirely lost, I just left it unattended) in my abandoned, rarely used study area, which is beginning to rival our storeroom as a place to stash things.

It was such a divine emotion creeping inside when I held it in my hand. But I had to immediately put it aside. The journal was my insights on life and bonds that cropped up way back then. When I was a lot younger, and more naïve.

At once, I blushed and sorta felt a mixed sentiment at the grandiosity of what I'd written under my childish impulses. I don't think there's any way I could bring myself to put some of that anywhere, let alone on my blog.

I realize that grandiosity is a hallmark of expression. And, to be honest, I don't even recognize myself in the words. It's like a different person wrote it. Someone that I feel I want to make friends with. Guess I was even cooler and high-spirited girl back then (yea right).

Reading it does not inspire guilt or a sadness that won't go away, but it was nonetheless a momentary shock.

But much more shocking than that was the realization that I hadn't once reread it since I was in my mid U year. It seems like such a strange oversight. I can only conclude that my unconscious and free spirited mind was attempting to recover its poise by burying the words of the journal in the same way the physical journal itself was stashed away amidst the clutter of my study.

Hell, I don't really need the journal to augment the way I view my life today, since there is already enough in there to make me cringe every time I read it.

Maybe I’ll just browse through the stacked cheeky notes instead. Lol.

Friday, December 4, 2009

An insight: Decision Making

Compliment to Assoc. Professor Dato' Dr. Saharuddin Abdul Hamid of Fac. of Maritime Studies & Marine Science, UMT for kindly sharing thoughtful email with all staff and I hereby would love to spread the warmth, interesting life perspective.



Insight into Decision Making - Good One:

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track. The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange.

You can make the train change its course to the disused track (by adjusting the track interchange) and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make.....

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally.

But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place? Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.

The Moral: This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society,the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are.

The child who chose not to play with therest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him. The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens.

If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because henever thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made,we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one. 'Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right.

Interesting, yes? And I love the part when he ended the email with;

'Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.'

Pretty slick, ey.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

My darling you

It’s the first of December 2009. Wow. Time really flies am tellin' ya.

A year ago today, my dear car got stuck in the flood (the water rose in a blink of an eye and it happened so fast) and all I could do was look at her and twitched.

A year ago today, I had my very primary experience of dealing with flood, having to think and move twice as hard to save everything. I don’t think am going to forget the moment when we (thank God my mother and aunt were there to share the adrenaline rush) helplessly looked at each other and panicked. The whole neighborhood was terrified for according to the natives, it was the first flood panic attack since the last 15 years. And when I heard that, I said to myself, ‘Gees, a great welcoming year for my career’. Lol.

A year ago today, the organization where I earn my scoop of earning transformed into a floated little island and the international seminar (where I was appointed as the mc, paid one too..wo ho!) supposedly held there, had to be shifted to the state’s library across town. The day where about 30 of us crew, felt like a thick choky string was around our neck, only to be loosely taken away after exactly 4pm when the function was considered a success.

A year ago today, it rained so heavily that all the kids of the nearby villages went bonkers, celebrating the rainy season like no other.

A year ago today, someone I’ve known all along and now has become my world uttered/typed a word that sank deep to the core, with me quarterly soaked, riding the bus to the library, surrounded by umbrellas and souvenirs. I glowed. Me, the sun, glowed. Beneath the dark sky.