I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart. ~ Albany Bach Reid

Monday, October 18, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Silent fall.

It’s been awhile since I last cried (I won't spill the reason of me crying last time.. ever). Tonight, I’m crying again. Over a movie. *blwweek Oookay, am exaggarating. Just a few, countable tears down the cheek.

It’s Silent Fall, a 90s movie with Liv Tyler (she was waay too young and hot), Linda Hamilton and some other well-known stars which I can’t be bot
hered knowing.

Am not going into details about the storyline, but right this minute, my tears are falling simply by just watching the way Liv’s brother, aged around 8 year old who is autistic banging his body against the cushioned wall (he’s admitted to a psychiatric ward), continuously whisking himself around, as the lead Dr. tries so hard calming him down.

I’m not sure what really bothers me but it is sad and frustrating watching a kid, who barely speaks, tries so hard to suppress his emotion yet at the same time wanting so bad to spill, needing his loved one to understand his pain.

“Nobody knows the real meaning of autism.” I search for a connection.You have words to say, but you can't find a way to say them.
How familiar, how bizzare.

A really nice one. Anything that can make me sleep at night, soundly mind you.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Ibumu ibuku jua..

“Orang perempuan once dah jadi isteri, her priority adalah suami, no matter what. Syurga isteri di bawah telapak kaki suami. Orang lelaki pulak tak kira bujang or suami orang, syurga dia tetap di bawah telapak kaki ibu.”(Lynn, 2010)

There I was, listening quietly last night as I drove us to our new addition of dinning spots. I can’t remember exactly the root of it that sparked the whole conversation on responsibilities as a woman and a man. My friend's rambling on the matter reminded me of my newly married cousin who since forever strongly stressed that his entire world is his mother, no matter what. Secretly, the three of us (his brother, our other cousin and I) made a harmless bet, stating that he would if not much, have trouble devoting his loyalty and love towards the one mother, for now he has known the new world of having a wife. We want to see if the common mother/daughter-in-law war occurs in their world. =)

In a way I know, it’s an unspoken vow between a husband and a wife that nothing can come between a son and a mother. It’s an unspoken vow that automatically, you as a wife should love your mother in law like your very own mother.

(A mental note there: Your husband=your life/his mother=his life/his life=your life) Translation: There shouldn’t be any conflict when your other half’s mother is in the picture.

I mean, it’s a lovely thing, right because after marriage you’ll have two mothers. Such a blessing.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Another year has gone by..

It's the second anniversary of || Of Mas Tulen and Honey ||. Woohoo. The creator hasn't been nice for she rarely gets the chance to pour her heart out. Life's a struggle; coping with people, work, hearts.

She quickly clicked on last year's entry on the exact date. Things have changed this year. A lot in fact. Mas Tulen has if not much, evolved abit. Two whole years.

She remembers the day when she started typing and creating this whole blog thing on the 8th of October 2008, exactly 3 days after she reported herself here, in a place so foreign ('cos eventhough her father's clans are scattered around, she didn't recall calling the place 'kampung saya balik beraya'..ever). It didn't suit her, well.. maybe never.

Things change. People change. She changes.

This is what she has in mind; Nothing in life is forever. We need to embrace change as we would an old friend.

Bitter-sweet though it may be.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

2 years: I've survived

Wow. Today is the 5th of October 2010. It's been exactly 2 years! Wo hooo.

I've learned a lot here. I've met many. I've been wacked. I’ve been cherished. It’s one hell of an experience.

Experience by Dorothy Livesay (1955)

"For your own good" they said,
And they gave me bread
Bitter and hard to swallow.

My head felt tired after it,
My heart felt hollow.
So I went away on my own road
Tasting all fruits, all breads:
And if some were bitter, others were sweet --
So I learned
How the heart is fed.