I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart. ~ Albany Bach Reid

Monday, November 30, 2009

Sound of Silence. (minus the heavy raindrops)

It is so quiet.

I remember I kept telling the new colleague about less than two months ago (when we were so damn busy with work and students and paperwork), that I couldn’t wait for the semester break to come.

Well guess what. It’s now the freakin’ semester break and now am talking about silence. Not that I’m complaining though. I love the present set-up. So peaceful and quiet ‘cos honestly, my head aches whenever I see the students all over the campus. I have no idea why.

Weird, I know. ‘Cos I myself was a student and in fact still is. It’s just that having less people around gives me more space. And air.

It is quiet that my door is hardly knocked, except for that dear cleaner lady who most of the time yaks about the weather or the renovation under construction on the lower floors. Even my buddy aka colleague, Kak Ez is away, happily at home, enjoying her long-awaited vacation.

There are hardly many cars at the parking lot. Which is kinda funny ‘cos most of the time, especially during the lectures period, academicians and staff are literarily fighting for the best spaces here. You have to understand the matter ‘cos most of the faculties here do not provide sufficient garages for all and the weather am tellin’ you, phew!! So darn hot especially in the mid year. People are basically rooting for spaces under the trees, close to the building, itching close to the roofed cars etc. Lol.

Even going to washroom is a hassle free. I haven’t bumped into anyone today. And yeah, I haven't seen that mister also (name has to be kept secret), who habitually moving around in his kain pelikat for awhile now. Balik kampung la tu. I guess this scene would only stay intact until next 10th of December when all the staff will freshly return from their holidays.

Only then I’ll have my mild headache again watching students coming back for the new semester, laughing or shrieking to be exact, minding their new registration episodes.

But for now, I’ll just embrace myself in the beautiful silence.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Rain rain go away..

It’s raining heavily outside. In fact all along since I was on my way to work, it has been raining.

Worst of all, the roads are fissured, especially on the bridges. Which contribute to a long queue of edgy drivers.

All of a sudden I remember this nursery rhyme "Rain rain go away..please come another day...". I used to have this whole collection of entertaining nursery rhyme illustrated colourful books, the ones you know, crammed with big vibrant animals, objects and people.

Like "Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry,
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away…"

Lol. Sweet memories. Back then when we were young and had nothing to worry about.

Wow, just listen to the raindrops. It's getting heavier. Wish I could simply cuddle under the blanket right this minute.

Substitute that blackish doggie with anything or anyone that you prefer and walla! you'd have the image of wonderful moment in bed during a rainy season

In the name of understanding oneself.

Dear Diary,

I looked upon the stars last night, with the unsuppressed hilarity as the background in the packed new vehicle and I grinned, in the dark. And then I began to think. With my lips moving yet no one noticed.

You know what, people say again and again that gems are rare, but once found, are cherished. I always try to remind myself about that. ‘Cos for me rarity is indeed vast.

Rarity is cool.

I’ve found a gem. And I aim to keep. No matter what. ‘Cos love crosses all boundaries with no discriminations.

Quiet time teaches calmness. Recently, serenity emerged where I get the chance to dunk myself into the system, my so-called corroded system that I’ve accustomed to years ago.

Short time I've been out of my comfort zone. And my father has heard me talking to myself or to Poyeng (my overly spoilt cat), from the times I let off steam within the four walls.

I have grown (hopefully) a little wiser, a little older (gulp) to love a little bit more.

My initial feelings of angst and distaste, if not totally gone, slowly slip out the corner, after I told myself to stop and breathe.

I've learned that bonds I share are ever so strong and the strength of new one grows each day. I keep tellin’ myself ‘Suria, learn from the good. Leave the bad.’ Ha ha. Poyo.

And, if I turned back the clock to do it again? I would say a resounding yes. (Fingers crossed at the back. No la, just kidding)

There is a sense of appreciation and love I have for the beings, things, smells and touches around me.

I love it.

Gees. Who says self-healin’ is a piece of cake? If you bump into anyone who thinks that, tell him/her to kiss my ***.

Friday, November 27, 2009

May I have this dance

On matters of clarity, there is only so many dances we can take across the night.

This is not our favorite song
But the night is moving right along
May I have your hand, may I have this dance.

I sense that you are amused,
But you just bought those brand new shoes.
It would such a shame not to give us the chance.

And oh my love there is only so many dances we can take across the night.

So while is just me and you
I thought I might say to you
You put the beautiful in life.

I know at times that you feel alone
When I'm here and I'm never home.
You said before is the price that you pay.

On matters of clarity
Is not secret you are carrying me.
But you disguise thoughts of fall
I will keep you safe.

And oh my love there is only so many dances we can take across the night.

So while is just me and you
I thought I might say to you
You put the beautiful in life.

And oh...
Oh... oh...

This is not our favorite song
But I wish it go on and on
It's moments like these
Singers do all they can to stop time.

So let me just say to you
Before the DJ changes the tune
You put the beautiful in life
You put the beautiful in life.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Kenapa, Mengapa & Sebab Apa: A year ago today.

@ Ri-Yaz Heritage Resort & Spa on the 12th of Nov 2008, 1.44 pm. Gotcha!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Everyone has flaws. Deal with it.

I believe I, like most of us, have pretty high expectations of the people I intermingle with. Since yesteryears, I've built up this framework of decrees and morals that I expect them to follow, because those are the matters I myself try to follow.

But I think this is so naive. So so unbelievably raw. ‘Cos most people just do whatever the heck they want.

And if my interests, my stands happen to conflict with theirs ... well too bad for me. This seems to be the case even if they're people who appear to really like me and show loyalty.

People, whether they’re work colleagues, buddies, your loved ones; they choose to be egocentric. Being totally unacquainted of other people’s feelings as long as theirs are protected.

So I guess it’s crystal clear that the people we share things or ideology or emotion or anything for that matter with aren't angels or whatever close to being angels. They're not born particularly good or noble. Far from it. I've learned that now.

They're all flawed to some extent, just like you and me.

Everyone is. Period.

Just deal with it.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Kompang is back!

It's starting again. Yeap. It feels like just weeks ago I talked about kompangs. The buzz of people walking down the aisle. Or grinning with overly-done batting mascaraed eyelashes on the pelamin. Stealing glances at the same time. Ha ha.

Cards are starting to hit the mailbox. And gees.. invitation cards nowadays are very creative-looking and come in many forms and shapes.

Friends have started making plans to meet up and get together during the occasions and that’s what I am looking forward to for as much as we want to deny it, trying to simply hang out with far away buddies for leisure is quite a hassle. So, weddings would be a place, if not others to chill and laugh and of course, to gossip (badmouthing about people we despise or in rare cases people we envy. Auw)

The thing is about weddings, people would start asking you questions. You know.. ‘d’ question. Still don’t get it? Okay maybe I should shed some light:

"Hah Suria. Minah A dah nak kawen.. ko bile lagik? Sian parents ko..”

“Mamat B ada sms you mintak address? Sapa sangka kan he would be next. Such a player finally agreed to get the strings attached. You bila? Tak elok tao bercinta lama-lama..”

"Dah dapat kad Minah C? Cantik kan. Unik. When will I get yours?"

"Dengaq cita hang dah nak buat kendurik. Bulan berapa? Aku nak kena ambik cuti awai ni" (a case of fishin' in the dark)

Such melodies to my ears.

Monday, November 2, 2009

A mull over. Over stuffs.

October has passed by. I must say that the month was kinda full with surprises. Physically and psychologically speaking. No wonder Awie could come up with the song ‘Tragedi Oktober’. It makes sense. I had my ups and downs. I’ve learned quite a lot last month. So I guess I’ve grown to be abit more mature in a sense that I now understand the depth of taking things for granted.

*glancing around, making sure nobody’s looking at my direction and I look very professional at this very minute

I’m in an elaborated meeting at the moment. A briefing on some matters as we’re in exam mode and there are so many things to be done. Seriously, I am focusing on the ramblings here and there, but at the same time my fingers are moving. Again, like I said, trying to look very professional. Lol.

I’ve been grinning from ear to ear since this morning. It’s all because I’ve completed my term paper (finally!) and the whole thing is flying away by the help of our Pos Malaysia, ready to be received by our dear Professor Dr. Fattawi. Yeay!

Okay. So maybe I still have plenty more to do and this time around I’d be focusing on Dr. Aziah’s papers but come on, give me some hours to feel real good about myself.

Even just for a while.

Earlier we talked about war. One of my friends was lucky enough to go to the War Criminal Conference and Exhibition at PWTC last Thursday. The conference was held from 28th to 31st October 2009.

It is pretty much a Tun Mahathir’s thing. I remember the morning of the 29th Oct as I was preparing myself for work, Ally Iskandar of Malaysia Hari Ini was chatting away at the PWTC, showing and demonstrating the brutal treatments received by the inmates of Guantanamo prison.

I was glued to the screen with water still dripping down my hair as I gulped and clinched watching the abuse in each different cell temporarily built in the compound of PWTC. Blood was everywhere. And the screaming and moaning of the victims of torture still haunted me. They had these audio and video of the real torture and I could see the convention representative had tears in her eyes as Ally interviewed her. Just imagine. She must have explained and talked about this war matters for hundreds of times yet it still hurts and breaks her heart.

No wonder my friend said it was a horrid thing. Witnessing and being so close to the made-up scenes.

Check out http://www.criminalisewar.org/.

I better go. I think with me typing away annoyed someone here. Haha.