WM : I realized something. I got it all wrong.
Me : You? Come on. What do you mean?
WM : A close friend was right over afternoon coffee earlier. He shed some light, am tellin' ya. It took him so many years of failed friendships, relationships and ships of sorts to learn lessons of life. I started then to realise all these years, these numerous exchanges and experiences with people, with colours that life offers us, I've been using the wrong approaches in these ships of sorts. I fail to understand that expectations can't be imposed, and that I had been treading on the wrong path all these years.
Me : Hold on. I've asked you this before. And you said, expectations can always be dealt with.
WM : (sighed) I know. As much as I mock my pal about not discovering this earlier, I am guilty of it. I state the boundaries in my head, I state the conditions in my life, I make the mistake of doing the same for others. Control as some would like to label it, I'd like to cry the plea of ignorance.
Me : We're on the same page, mister. Sometimes, I forget that as much I enjoy fluidity, openness, I do impose expectations, conditions and placements on people I care for without realising how much I hurt them.
WM : That's what I'm trying to say. We tend to hurt people. And it gets even worse if we know we are hurting them, but we're not doing anything to work on it. To make things better. (He paused and again let out an audible sigh) It’s the same journey each time I take when I behave this way, selfishly, not realising that constricting, expecting, cause pain and push people away. Friends, lovers and closed confidants.
Me : What are you trying to say? You don't look so good. Are you okay?
WM : (gulped hard before scratching his chin) People change, people have their spaces and lives, and I do not give them the benefit of doubt, selfishly I ask, I plea, for values, time, space and conveniences that often or not, undeserving of me.
You have to remember,babe that friendships, relationships and ships of sorts are not possessions, not within my control, not mine and mine alone.
Me : I'll keep that in mind.
WM : We have to open our minds, values, moods, thoughts, feelings. Tell me babe, have you scarred anyone?
Me : (eyes widen, sighing) Who haven't, right?
WM : That's the thing. I wish I could go and apologise to those whom I’ve hurt or had scarred. I used to wanting things so much it slipped through my fingers, I squeezed so tight it suffocated, I loved so hard it broke.
Me : (whispered to myself) To all the heartbroken chikas, uh?
WM : (seemed not to catch it but if he did, he didn't act like it) I hope to move on, to learning lessons of importance, in preserving friendships, relationships, any kind of 'ships' out there, I won’t be not guilty of expecting again.
Me : (grinning from ear to ear) Chill now, babe. That's life right. It's about living in expectations, in ambiguity. I've been trying to educate myself to that for quite awhile now. So smile now.
WM : (chuckled) Am in the hot seat today, ey? Your lucky day, gal. Your luck day.
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