Another year has gone by..

It's the second anniversary of || Of Mas Tulen and Honey ||. Woohoo. The creator hasn't been nice for she rarely gets the chance to pour her heart out. Life's a struggle; coping with people, work, hearts.

She quickly clicked on last year's entry on the exact date. Things have changed this year. A lot in fact. Mas Tulen has if not much, evolved abit. Two whole years.

She remembers the day when she started typing and creating this whole blog thing on the 8th of October 2008, exactly 3 days after she reported herself here, in a place so foreign ('cos eventhough her father's clans are scattered around, she didn't recall calling the place 'kampung saya balik beraya'..ever). It didn't suit her, well.. maybe never.

Things change. People change. She changes.

This is what she has in mind; Nothing in life is forever. We need to embrace change as we would an old friend.

Bitter-sweet though it may be.

2 years: I've survived

Wow. Today is the 5th of October 2010. It's been exactly 2 years! Wo hooo.

I've learned a lot here. I've met many. I've been wacked. I’ve been cherished. It’s one hell of an experience.

Experience by Dorothy Livesay (1955)

"For your own good" they said,
And they gave me bread
Bitter and hard to swallow.

My head felt tired after it,
My heart felt hollow.
So I went away on my own road
Tasting all fruits, all breads:
And if some were bitter, others were sweet --
So I learned
How the heart is fed.

A vow

We have come to a secret agreement. 26^th of September 2010.

Attached herewith is the contract:

.............................................................................................................................................................................................

These terms and conditions are applicable starting from 4.25pm, Sunday 26^th of September 2010 until an updated, mutual understanding.

Yeah, I know. There’s nothing there. It’s called a 'secret' agreement, remember. Therefore I am not allowed to reveal the content to public.

On my part, I know it’s going to hurt but I can’t or to be more precise, I don’t want to let go.

That’s all for now.

"I am Hanie, reporting live from 321, peace and out." (Seacrest's style)

Teman

I've had it. A buddy kept asking for the title of the song after listening to it for the very first time on Sinar.fm. I was quiet at first, trying to recall the title for I know the song. There's someone who loves the song, well.. maybe he still loves it, or maybe not. I have no idea. Aanyway, the minute I remembered, I logged on and surfed through Youtube then walla.

There you have it, pal. (*from now on, if you're dying to listen to it, after waiting and waiting for Sinar to play it again, just go to Mas Tulen.. I'll try to download later. Gess).

So yeah, it's called Teman by Lovehunters (back in the 80s Singaporean band). Cool vocal I must say. The pics are rather ..eer.. flowery but the main focus is the song ok. Lol.

"People killin' people dyin'..."

"...... children hurt and you hear them cryin'.."

Where is the love? Black Eyed Peas once loudly 'preached' these words and now I am using them to ignite my dissappointment towards current 'modern' humanity.

The deaths of fellow citizens, Datuk Sosilawati and her three companions haven't been confirmed until DNA test proves that the bone fragments found are theirs. Yet the nation is buzzing with shock due to the gruesome, cruel episode.

'Tangkap, pukul, bunuh, bakar.' Those were the words used during the primetime news yesterday and that got me stunned and thinking. Imagine the pain they had to endure from the very minute they were captured until their last breath. Gees. Simply unimaginable.

Where is humanity?

When I start to look and think deeper about the things happening around the world, and when I see all these ugly things, I gulped. Hard. There is not enough goodness in people to make me feel hopeful about our future.

I really do wonder what is the point of everything. What's happening to humanity? Picture this: A is mad at B and A just grab a gun or a knife or a golf club and baam! B, who A loathes before is now dead. End of story. Masya Allah. How immoral.

Where has our dignity gone? What is the real value of a LIFE?

I think given the damage humanity has inflicted upon mother earth, we have got alot, I mean ALOT to do in order to seek for ultimate redemption.

Am telling ya', what we have now, is a broken humanity.

Ada apa dengan iklan raya Maxis 2010?

It seems like we don't get to watch many interesting advertisements this raya. I mean, we used to have continuous, back to back either tickling or touching advertisements to feast our eyes on while doing preparation for raya in front of the idiot box. Remember the mother with 7 sons? Or the bus driver with many kids together with a heavily pregnant wife? Lol.

I like Maxis advertisement for this year. Short yet meaningful. Touching in fact. Just by the look that they have on each other on the bus brings tears to my eyes. So sincere, so in love.

How sweet for the wife to go home to her late husband's kampung and visits her parents in law. Even sweeter considering that he was their only child. The one and only. Which is now, gone.

Triple sweet is because she's a muallaf and she treats her parents in law like her very own parents. How thoughtful, knowing now that elderly couple has no one else but her.

The message is clear;

"Selagi hayat dikandung badan, takkan putus tali persaudaraan."

Life in a Love

Life in a Love

Robert Browning (1855)

Escape me?
Never
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth,
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And baffled, get up to begin again,
So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound,
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope drops to ground
Than a new one, straight to the selfsame mark,
I shape me
Ever
Removed!

___________________________________________________________

Another scar.

Dear Diary,

It's been awhile, I know. I didn't get to visit often, and believe me when I say that I've tried.

Of late, people are making assumptions. They like to have some rather fascinating ideas of their own that they somehow 'know' me. It is quite nerve-wrecking and funny and scary all jumbled up at once, a mixed feeling. I've been trying to ignore the constant so called concerns of them over me, yet to simply brush everything off is a mission impossible. Theories and speculations which some are beyond words and some simply suck the air out of you; suffocating.

Simplest example would be on why I haven't posted anything. I never thought that my pieces of thoughts here gave them ideas on how I live my life as a whole, on how I succumb to relationships or even the way I think. How bizarre.

But those assumptions mean nothing to me. I mean not as much to what am about to spill.

This one theory that some have projected about me has embarked on a higher scale, testing my little patience. Last 12th of August 2010, would be one of the days that I can never erase. A day which it gives me more insights on human characters. It felt like a wound. But you might say that a wound heals and I couldn't agree more.

However, it will stay and trust me, it leaves a mark so deep. It's like a scar that reminds you of things people could do just to hurt you.

Yet I soar. So high up to the sky.