What we cannot change

Dear Diary,

Here’s another love song that tugs, that speaks about relationships and choosing acceptance instead of conflict.

“I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, I will change

Whatever I, whenever I can”

I have accepted the fact that we cannot fix everything, nor do I believe everything is meant to be fixed. Some things just are. The sooner we stop trying to change things and learn to embrace complexity, mystery, and wonder, we will find an enormous source of peace.

When we come head to head with what we cannot change, we have a choice to let it go, to forgive, or to love. Perhaps the latter is the hardest for most to understand. I think it’s wise to say “I will learn [to let go, to forgive, to love] what I cannot change.”

It is not easy. It hurts.

It is a process, and one that we may not fully understand until we’ve been there and come out on the other side. It is possible to love what you cannot change, to embrace it, and to find beauty and truth in even the smallest of joys and heartaches.

The defiant resolution “but I will change” is really the key in my opinion. While we often have little power over situations or people in our lives, we have complete control over our own thoughts and actions. We begin by taking responsibility for and owning our baggage: When I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick… the pain is self-inflicted… I can’t care about how everyone else really feels, I have enough hurt of my own to heal.

It may be “easier to please the world than it is to please myself,” but we have to learn to make ourselves happy and find fulfillment in ourselves and not in others. Relying on things, circumstances, or people to make you happy is futility.

Thing is, it is an amazing song full of powerful truths that could take years to discover and a lifetime to learn. I am a bit lucky to finally get it when others can’t. Or won’t.