'Sampai bila-bila'

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, I've lost it again. I poured my heart out, in fact I even revealed some things that even to myself I don't have the courage to tell (*sigh.. yeap, that bad)

I was in a state so vulnerable that I simply opened up and spilled.

I was asked again and again to simply open my eyes. To allow the reality to kick in. Close friends are worried that I might hurt people who really care about me along the way if I keep doing this.

Yesterday, I longed for something that was mine. Yesterday I forgot to breathe and instead, I tried to reach for uncertainty.

Love does that to you. To me, I mean.

I went to sleep with a sore heart. Heartbroken. Big time, again. Then I woke up at 4 am. Everything came flashing in my mind while succumbing to darkness early in the morning.

I can't let go. 'Sampai bila?' they asked. I simply shrugged my shoulders.

'Bila-bila. Sampai bila-bila.'