Wise Man : Part 12 'A Ride to Remember'

Me : Wow. We’ve survived the whole year!

WM : I find it very fascinating when I’ve reached the last chapter of every Yearbook I’ve indulged in. Some ‘books’ would unswervingly present happy endings and in their unique way, egg on another ‘book’ to enjoy. Some would viciously end with a prequel which in some grotesque way reminds me of the qualms and dissatisfaction I’ve experienced throughout the chapter you see.

Me : Me too. I mean, it is a lot better when most endings are good ones. I dig that. However we can never skip the uncertainty nerves in dealing with how the ‘book’ should have ended. Yet, let bygones be bygones.

WM : Exactly.

Me : I had a good reading. The last chapters were a bit nerve wreaking at some points but I managed to continue having my grasp on the book tighten. To be quite honest really, someone told me a really fascination example about life about a couple of weeks ago that had shed some light into my cognitive thinking.

WM : Are you saying that someone else other than Me has wonderfully provided you some insight about life? I demand his name. (chuckles)

Me : He told me, past things can’t simply be swept away, hidden under the carpet. It’s like driving a car. You need to check the rearview and even the side mirrors to make sure we can drive forward.

WM : I see.

Me : To make sure the coast is clear, you see. Cool ey?

WM : I guess. One thing for sure, it's one hell of a ride in 2009. Happy New Year, babe.

Me : Same here. I agree. Definitely one that I'd treasure. And babe, be nicer in 2010 ok?

WM : We’ll see.

Me : Am not sure yet about my resolution. But.. gees..to hell with it! 2010!! Here we come!

You jump, I jump

'I see you'. Darn he's good.

Last Saturday, instead of going to bed early, my eyes were still wide-opened until late midnight watching Jack and Rose. With my father (he’s more into the sinking part). Yeap. Lol. My mother who was away for a few days having a blast in her ‘kampung’ would have laughed hard at us if she knew. We were glued to the screen until the moment the credit started to roll.

So, ‘Ada apa dengan Titanic?’

It’s a tragic love story. Obviously. I guess, maybe just maybe if Jack never would have died at the end, then the movie wouldn't have been such a success. The fact that he died, it left the viewers with tears running down their face wanting more. After everything Jack and Rose did to survive, through the water almost draining them, to getting shot at by Rose's fiancé, to the ship sinking from underneath them, to freezing to death, Jack still died and Rose went on with her life.

That's a tragedy within itself.

From that perspective, I might add that it is about a human innocence (you can see that in Rose) that is challenged not with dishonesty, violence (Cal such a moron) or moral relativity, but with the simple fact of death itself, with the timelessness of our memories and hopes for touching the past.

I mean, we always think of the past, right.

Every moment in that movie is a cool one. I mean, I have to be frank here. My father asked me how many times already I’ve watched it, and I gleefully replied ‘quite a few times, but not more than five’. Lol. Leonardo was my Arthur (from Merlin? Duh) back then.

I appreciate the whole package. The plot, the casting, everything. Even the way Katie Bates aka ‘the new money’ takes Jack under her wing caught my attention. And I simply love the look on Jack when he knew that he couldn’t hop onto the board together with Rose in the freezing ocean. Such a heart-breaking moment.

Titanic is a great film of the romantic tradition. It speaks to our hearts and minds rather than mystifies, shocks or surprises them. Hopelessly shweet am tellin' you. It’s about love and emotions, and clearly that the storyline is earnest and straightforward, wearing its heart on its sleeve.

I treasure the honesty in it. As simple as that.

Staying up late watching Titanic that night, was purely for the fun of it, understanding some idealism in living life and not to forget, escapism. We need that. Once in awhile.

This is not about a frog prince

See that tall guy there? That’s William. My William. Opps. What I mean is, people’s beloved Prince William.

Mind the title above. But wait, he can still be the frog prince right 'cos to me, frog prince as in the fairy tale, was somebody good, kind and beautiful in the inside who eventually found true love and true self. Except the fact this one fella is smokin' hot outside as well. Lol.

He spent one night on the street. According to the news piece Associated Press on Yahoo!, he said that he needed to understand the deal of having no place to stay and how hard it is for the homeless to go through night after night exposed to the extreme cold and danger.

He has duplicated bits of his late mother’s heart then. No one would blame him if let say he can’t be bothered with the matter of poverty, malfunctions of families that lead to drugs or prostitutions, and hundreds other problems in the world particularly in Britain.

Yet he cares.

Even though never in thousand years he could ever understand the real meaning of striving for life, for making ends meet. So maybe he felt the nasty anxiety of sleeping in the cold without the usual fluffy pillows on an extra comfy huge bed that night, and maybe just maybe he knows how important safety and money are to us normal people.

Gees, out of nowhere am thinking of Arthur. You know, Arthur from Merlin? Yeah, the series now is officially my cup of tea. Big time.

Weep babe weep

Yesterday someone said to me, “I can tell you’re not someone that can easily shed a tear.” I didn’t say anything right away. I was busy recalling the words, because it was a statement, not some out-of-the-blue ‘Do you cry a lot?’ question.

So I silently questioned myself, how do I always project myself that people can if not harshly, effortlessly think that am not a soft-hearted soul?

Close kin may have noticed that I don’t usually express my nuisance, my pain by having tears running down my cheeks. It’s an atypical occasion am telling you. I’ve talked about it once here.

Instead I replied, “I have my own way of letting it all out. I have nothing against crying though ‘cos it still is one of the healing methods. It works for some.” I bit my lower lip, still trying to recollect the last time I cried. Aah yea. It happened a few weeks back when together with my father, we watched this National Geographic episode on Africa about this poor baby elephant, left alone and later died after her own mother died and ignored by others. I couldn’t refrain myself. Especially when it has to do with animals.

Suddenly, “Guess it means you only cry when your emotions are either deeply touched or bruised in some way.” Pause. “Do you think I can make you cry?”

I choked. What??

Mentally challenged?

Duty calls. Everyday. Gees. The first 3 weeks of every semester are always a .. 'gem'. Ha ha.

Yet. Am posting this one. 'Cos it happened to tickle my brain very early in the morning today. Thanks to the forwarded email.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

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'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

Ouch.

Of recalling events

Okay so this entry is fundamentally about nothing. It’s just that about moments ago I was doing the usual reading on the net and then I caught the news about this underdog movie starring Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side, which I can’t really fathom the roar of that film beat the number one box office spot from New Moon this week. I mean come on, if a film is good, then it’s good. That easy.

Then I continued on clicking the Bullock’s films bla bla bla and then my eyes caught this picture.

Okay. I’m not going to talk about her hair, or her facial expression or anything. But what am I trying to digest here is that, that picture triggered my conscious mind. I came to a point where I suppose I’ve seen that shot before in a movie. Of short, it means I’ve watched that movie with that one movie still where Bullock looks some sort of web entangled-looking woman who is standing doing nothing in a middle of an empty stretchy road.

So I did some reading and that movie is called Premonition and then Bam! I hit the study with my right palm. I am bloody sure I’ve watched it, in fact I even know exactly the ending, even the whole storyline for crying out loud but I can’t remember when. Or where I watched it. (alright by now I guess you have stopped reading already ‘cos not one word makes sense) It's not even a movie that receives much applauding reviews from the critics.

Yet, it annoys me. So much. Gees. So maybe it’s not about the movie at all. Yeah, it’s not about the movie per say.

It’s pretty obvious isn’t it? It bugs me big time when I can’t recall something that worth recalling at a time.

Have you experienced that? Like when you hear a song, and suddenly this feeling of déjà vu kicked you in the spine, yet you face a tinky winky problem trying to recall the precise moment when it '(it' refers to anything that connects you the song) happened. Make sense?

Yikes.

It has nothing to do with having a loss of cognitive abilities right. Right?

Old journal resurfaced: What crawls beneath

The vast grey hole that kinda ate away weeks ago, when I had my so-called blow, continues to slowly radiate. Which is a good, good thing. I was at such a pitch of frantic activity, with my mind generating a half quarter million new ideas every minute, that a lifetime has lived so far.

Of late, I've been extensively reworking (which is no doubt why a lot of old stuff has been coming to the surface recently). Then this morning, I located my long-lost journal (it’s not entirely lost, I just left it unattended) in my abandoned, rarely used study area, which is beginning to rival our storeroom as a place to stash things.

It was such a divine emotion creeping inside when I held it in my hand. But I had to immediately put it aside. The journal was my insights on life and bonds that cropped up way back then. When I was a lot younger, and more naïve.

At once, I blushed and sorta felt a mixed sentiment at the grandiosity of what I'd written under my childish impulses. I don't think there's any way I could bring myself to put some of that anywhere, let alone on my blog.

I realize that grandiosity is a hallmark of expression. And, to be honest, I don't even recognize myself in the words. It's like a different person wrote it. Someone that I feel I want to make friends with. Guess I was even cooler and high-spirited girl back then (yea right).

Reading it does not inspire guilt or a sadness that won't go away, but it was nonetheless a momentary shock.

But much more shocking than that was the realization that I hadn't once reread it since I was in my mid U year. It seems like such a strange oversight. I can only conclude that my unconscious and free spirited mind was attempting to recover its poise by burying the words of the journal in the same way the physical journal itself was stashed away amidst the clutter of my study.

Hell, I don't really need the journal to augment the way I view my life today, since there is already enough in there to make me cringe every time I read it.

Maybe I’ll just browse through the stacked cheeky notes instead. Lol.

An insight: Decision Making

Compliment to Assoc. Professor Dato' Dr. Saharuddin Abdul Hamid of Fac. of Maritime Studies & Marine Science, UMT for kindly sharing thoughtful email with all staff and I hereby would love to spread the warmth, interesting life perspective.

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THIS IS "FOOD FOR THOUGHT" FOR EVERYONE.......IN REAL LIFE SITUATION WHEREBY WE NEED TO MAKE A QUICK DECISION, WHETHER IN OUR WORK PLACE ENVIRONMENT OR IN ANY OTHER ENVIRONMENT OR SITUATION. IF FACED WITH A SITUATION LIKE BELOW OR SIMILAR IN NATURE, HOW WOULD YOU DECIDE?

Insight into Decision Making - Good One:

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track. The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange.

You can make the train change its course to the disused track (by adjusting the track interchange) and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make.....

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally.

But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place? Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.

The Moral: This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society,the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are.

The child who chose not to play with therest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him. The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens.

If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because henever thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made,we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one. 'Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right.

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Interesting, yes? And I love the part when he ended the email with;

'Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.'

Pretty slick, ey.

My darling you

It’s the first of December 2009. Wow. Time really flies am tellin' ya.

A year ago today, my dear car got stuck in the flood (the water rose in a blink of an eye and it happened so fast) and all I could do was look at her and twitched.

A year ago today, I had my very primary experience of dealing with flood, having to think and move twice as hard to save everything. I don’t think am going to forget the moment when we (thank God my mother and aunt were there to share the adrenaline rush) helplessly looked at each other and panicked. The whole neighborhood was terrified for according to the natives, it was the first flood panic attack since the last 15 years. And when I heard that, I said to myself, ‘Gees, a great welcoming year for my career’. Lol.

A year ago today, the organization where I earn my scoop of earning transformed into a floated little island and the international seminar (where I was appointed as the mc, paid one too..wo ho!) supposedly held there, had to be shifted to the state’s library across town. The day where about 30 of us crew, felt like a thick choky string was around our neck, only to be loosely taken away after exactly 4pm when the function was considered a success.

A year ago today, it rained so heavily that all the kids of the nearby villages went bonkers, celebrating the rainy season like no other.

A year ago today, someone I’ve known all along and now has become my world uttered/typed a word that sank deep to the core, with me quarterly soaked, riding the bus to the library, surrounded by umbrellas and souvenirs. I glowed. Me, the sun, glowed. Beneath the dark sky.

Sound of Silence. (minus the heavy raindrops)

It is so quiet.

I remember I kept telling the new colleague about less than two months ago (when we were so damn busy with work and students and paperwork), that I couldn’t wait for the semester break to come.

Well guess what. It’s now the freakin’ semester break and now am talking about silence. Not that I’m complaining though. I love the present set-up. So peaceful and quiet ‘cos honestly, my head aches whenever I see the students all over the campus. I have no idea why.

Weird, I know. ‘Cos I myself was a student and in fact still is. It’s just that having less people around gives me more space. And air.

It is quiet that my door is hardly knocked, except for that dear cleaner lady who most of the time yaks about the weather or the renovation under construction on the lower floors. Even my buddy aka colleague, Kak Ez is away, happily at home, enjoying her long-awaited vacation.

There are hardly many cars at the parking lot. Which is kinda funny ‘cos most of the time, especially during the lectures period, academicians and staff are literarily fighting for the best spaces here. You have to understand the matter ‘cos most of the faculties here do not provide sufficient garages for all and the weather am tellin’ you, phew!! So darn hot especially in the mid year. People are basically rooting for spaces under the trees, close to the building, itching close to the roofed cars etc. Lol.

Even going to washroom is a hassle free. I haven’t bumped into anyone today. And yeah, I haven't seen that mister also (name has to be kept secret), who habitually moving around in his kain pelikat for awhile now. Balik kampung la tu. I guess this scene would only stay intact until next 10th of December when all the staff will freshly return from their holidays.

Only then I’ll have my mild headache again watching students coming back for the new semester, laughing or shrieking to be exact, minding their new registration episodes.

But for now, I’ll just embrace myself in the beautiful silence.

Rain rain go away..

It’s raining heavily outside. In fact all along since I was on my way to work, it has been raining.

Worst of all, the roads are fissured, especially on the bridges. Which contribute to a long queue of edgy drivers.

All of a sudden I remember this nursery rhyme "Rain rain go away..please come another day...". I used to have this whole collection of entertaining nursery rhyme illustrated colourful books, the ones you know, crammed with big vibrant animals, objects and people.

Like "Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry,
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away…"

Lol. Sweet memories. Back then when we were young and had nothing to worry about.

Wow, just listen to the raindrops. It's getting heavier. Wish I could simply cuddle under the blanket right this minute.

Substitute that blackish doggie with anything or anyone that you prefer and walla! you'd have the image of wonderful moment in bed during a rainy season

In the name of understanding oneself.

Dear Diary,

I looked upon the stars last night, with the unsuppressed hilarity as the background in the packed new vehicle and I grinned, in the dark. And then I began to think. With my lips moving yet no one noticed.

You know what, people say again and again that gems are rare, but once found, are cherished. I always try to remind myself about that. ‘Cos for me rarity is indeed vast.

Rarity is cool.

I’ve found a gem. And I aim to keep. No matter what. ‘Cos love crosses all boundaries with no discriminations.

Quiet time teaches calmness. Recently, serenity emerged where I get the chance to dunk myself into the system, my so-called corroded system that I’ve accustomed to years ago.

Short time I've been out of my comfort zone. And my father has heard me talking to myself or to Poyeng (my overly spoilt cat), from the times I let off steam within the four walls.

I have grown (hopefully) a little wiser, a little older (gulp) to love a little bit more.

My initial feelings of angst and distaste, if not totally gone, slowly slip out the corner, after I told myself to stop and breathe.

I've learned that bonds I share are ever so strong and the strength of new one grows each day. I keep tellin’ myself ‘Suria, learn from the good. Leave the bad.’ Ha ha. Poyo.

And, if I turned back the clock to do it again? I would say a resounding yes. (Fingers crossed at the back. No la, just kidding)

There is a sense of appreciation and love I have for the beings, things, smells and touches around me.

I love it.

Gees. Who says self-healin’ is a piece of cake? If you bump into anyone who thinks that, tell him/her to kiss my ***.

May I have this dance

On matters of clarity, there is only so many dances we can take across the night.



This is not our favorite song
But the night is moving right along
May I have your hand, may I have this dance.

I sense that you are amused,
But you just bought those brand new shoes.
It would such a shame not to give us the chance.

And oh my love there is only so many dances we can take across the night.

So while is just me and you
I thought I might say to you
You put the beautiful in life.

I know at times that you feel alone
When I'm here and I'm never home.
You said before is the price that you pay.

On matters of clarity
Is not secret you are carrying me.
But you disguise thoughts of fall
I will keep you safe.

And oh my love there is only so many dances we can take across the night.

So while is just me and you
I thought I might say to you
You put the beautiful in life.

And oh...
Oh... oh...

This is not our favorite song
But I wish it go on and on
It's moments like these
Singers do all they can to stop time.

So let me just say to you
Before the DJ changes the tune
You put the beautiful in life
You put the beautiful in life.

Kenapa, Mengapa & Sebab Apa: A year ago today.

@ Ri-Yaz Heritage Resort & Spa on the 12th of Nov 2008, 1.44 pm. Gotcha!

Everyone has flaws. Deal with it.

I believe I, like most of us, have pretty high expectations of the people I intermingle with. Since yesteryears, I've built up this framework of decrees and morals that I expect them to follow, because those are the matters I myself try to follow.

But I think this is so naive. So so unbelievably raw. ‘Cos most people just do whatever the heck they want.

And if my interests, my stands happen to conflict with theirs ... well too bad for me. This seems to be the case even if they're people who appear to really like me and show loyalty.

People, whether they’re work colleagues, buddies, your loved ones; they choose to be egocentric. Being totally unacquainted of other people’s feelings as long as theirs are protected.

So I guess it’s crystal clear that the people we share things or ideology or emotion or anything for that matter with aren't angels or whatever close to being angels. They're not born particularly good or noble. Far from it. I've learned that now.

They're all flawed to some extent, just like you and me.

Everyone is. Period.

Just deal with it.

Kompang is back!

It's starting again. Yeap. It feels like just weeks ago I talked about kompangs. The buzz of people walking down the aisle. Or grinning with overly-done batting mascaraed eyelashes on the pelamin. Stealing glances at the same time. Ha ha.

Cards are starting to hit the mailbox. And gees.. invitation cards nowadays are very creative-looking and come in many forms and shapes.

Friends have started making plans to meet up and get together during the occasions and that’s what I am looking forward to for as much as we want to deny it, trying to simply hang out with far away buddies for leisure is quite a hassle. So, weddings would be a place, if not others to chill and laugh and of course, to gossip (badmouthing about people we despise or in rare cases people we envy. Auw)

The thing is about weddings, people would start asking you questions. You know.. ‘d’ question. Still don’t get it? Okay maybe I should shed some light:

"Hah Suria. Minah A dah nak kawen.. ko bile lagik? Sian parents ko..”

“Mamat B ada sms you mintak address? Sapa sangka kan he would be next. Such a player finally agreed to get the strings attached. You bila? Tak elok tao bercinta lama-lama..”

"Dah dapat kad Minah C? Cantik kan. Unik. When will I get yours?"

"Dengaq cita hang dah nak buat kendurik. Bulan berapa? Aku nak kena ambik cuti awai ni" (a case of fishin' in the dark)

Such melodies to my ears.

A mull over. Over stuffs.

October has passed by. I must say that the month was kinda full with surprises. Physically and psychologically speaking. No wonder Awie could come up with the song ‘Tragedi Oktober’. It makes sense. I had my ups and downs. I’ve learned quite a lot last month. So I guess I’ve grown to be abit more mature in a sense that I now understand the depth of taking things for granted.

*glancing around, making sure nobody’s looking at my direction and I look very professional at this very minute

I’m in an elaborated meeting at the moment. A briefing on some matters as we’re in exam mode and there are so many things to be done. Seriously, I am focusing on the ramblings here and there, but at the same time my fingers are moving. Again, like I said, trying to look very professional. Lol.

I’ve been grinning from ear to ear since this morning. It’s all because I’ve completed my term paper (finally!) and the whole thing is flying away by the help of our Pos Malaysia, ready to be received by our dear Professor Dr. Fattawi. Yeay!

Okay. So maybe I still have plenty more to do and this time around I’d be focusing on Dr. Aziah’s papers but come on, give me some hours to feel real good about myself.

Even just for a while.

Earlier we talked about war. One of my friends was lucky enough to go to the War Criminal Conference and Exhibition at PWTC last Thursday. The conference was held from 28^th to 31^st October 2009.

It is pretty much a Tun Mahathir’s thing. I remember the morning of the 29^th Oct as I was preparing myself for work, Ally Iskandar of Malaysia Hari Ini was chatting away at the PWTC, showing and demonstrating the brutal treatments received by the inmates of Guantanamo prison.

I was glued to the screen with water still dripping down my hair as I gulped and clinched watching the abuse in each different cell temporarily built in the compound of PWTC. Blood was everywhere. And the screaming and moaning of the victims of torture still haunted me. They had these audio and video of the real torture and I could see the convention representative had tears in her eyes as Ally interviewed her. Just imagine. She must have explained and talked about this war matters for hundreds of times yet it still hurts and breaks her heart.

No wonder my friend said it was a horrid thing. Witnessing and being so close to the made-up scenes.

Check out http://www.criminalisewar.org/.

I better go. I think with me typing away annoyed someone here. Haha.

My heart weeps..

My fingers, the ones using the mouse and on top of the keyboard froze the moment I opened my inbox. ‘Friendster Reminder – Farhani Adlin’s Birthday is Coming Up’ email really left me breathless.

Farhani Adlin passed away years ago. Succumbed to cancer. I could still see her smile. Oh yea, she loved to smile. And she loved to laugh too. She was a bubbly girl. We were good friends back in MRSM and all would agree that with her leaving the world about a year after SPM, left a hole in our hearts.

Her story was a devastating one. Her mother died because of cancer too when Fanny was younger and I remember we all broke down into tears when we found out that when Fanny was sick in the hospital, she was actually bedridden on the same bed as her late mother.

Just imagine how her father felt.

I can’t say more.

May Allah SWT bless her soul. Al-Fatihah.

In love.

I found her by accident. After a few hours working on the term paper (you're this close to seeing stars rotating above my head), I browsed the Internet and innocently clicked on an episode of Ellen’s show with a 6 year old guest, named Emily. Before I continue yapping about her, brace yourself and listen up to one of the most beautiful melodies ever (at least to me).



Emily Bear. She composed that Ellen’s song herself. Can you believe it? In 10 minutes. Yeap. I had a few moments of denial am tellin’ you for she was so young. I mean, what could you really do when you were 6? And yeah, climbing a tree and then fell off breaking your arms or building a sand castle doesn't count.

She steals my heart and that comes out of a shock to me too ‘cos (glancing around) I don’t usually find kids adorable. Okay maybe sometimes but not most of the times. Yet. Seeing her magical lil fingers move, a really unexpected thought of having a kid that can play like her came to mind. Yikes.

As I was saying, Ellen’s song is simply the bomb. Ellen Degeneres was lucky to have a kid that young creating such a beautiful melody for her. I am still playing the tune over and over again. Am so in love with it.

Okay just check out this another clip of her being interviewed by some tv station and you get to know her origin, family. And also, she started hitting the piano notes when she was 2yo. Yes.. 2!!



That reminds me of another talented old woman..err pardon me, talented woman with a gold heart, Susan Boyle who sings beautifully that managed to keep prick Simon Cowell's mouth shut the moment she opened her own mouth.

Just imagine, there are so many talented, special people out there. I mean of course it doesn't have to be related to musics only. You can be totally clueless about music, about art, or sports, or maths or anything.. yet you're still special. In your own way.

Each person is wonderfully special. That's why I never make comparison. Some people tend to do that. Perhaps they can't help it.

Personally for me, it is never a fair deal to compare someone to someone else. It doesn't work that way. 'Cos I always believe that everyone is different and special and has their own way of carrying themselves.

No matter who you are. Or what you have become.

A sad truth.

'There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.'

~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Before the deadline.

I've managed to come up with some words, yet it is so so far from the finish line. And do I have to keep reminding myself that I have 4 more to go? Arrgh!

Wise Man : Part 11 'Ambiguity'

WM : I realized something. I got it all wrong.

Me : You? Come on. What do you mean?

WM : A close friend was right over afternoon coffee earlier. He shed some light, am tellin' ya. It took him so many years of failed friendships, relationships and ships of sorts to learn lessons of life. I started then to realise all these years, these numerous exchanges and experiences with people, with colours that life offers us, I've been using the wrong approaches in these ships of sorts. I fail to understand that expectations can't be imposed, and that I had been treading on the wrong path all these years.

Me : Hold on. I've asked you this before. And you said, expectations can always be dealt with.

WM : (sighed) I know. As much as I mock my pal about not discovering this earlier, I am guilty of it. I state the boundaries in my head, I state the conditions in my life, I make the mistake of doing the same for others. Control as some would like to label it, I'd like to cry the plea of ignorance.

Me : We're on the same page, mister. Sometimes, I forget that as much I enjoy fluidity, openness, I do impose expectations, conditions and placements on people I care for without realising how much I hurt them.

WM : That's what I'm trying to say. We tend to hurt people. And it gets even worse if we know we are hurting them, but we're not doing anything to work on it. To make things better. (He paused and again let out an audible sigh) It’s the same journey each time I take when I behave this way, selfishly, not realising that constricting, expecting, cause pain and push people away. Friends, lovers and closed confidants.

Me : What are you trying to say? You don't look so good. Are you okay?

WM : (gulped hard before scratching his chin) People change, people have their spaces and lives, and I do not give them the benefit of doubt, selfishly I ask, I plea, for values, time, space and conveniences that often or not, undeserving of me.

You have to remember,babe that friendships, relationships and ships of sorts are not possessions, not within my control, not mine and mine alone.

Me : I'll keep that in mind.

WM : We have to open our minds, values, moods, thoughts, feelings. Tell me babe, have you scarred anyone?

Me : (eyes widen, sighing) Who haven't, right?

WM : That's the thing. I wish I could go and apologise to those whom I’ve hurt or had scarred. I used to wanting things so much it slipped through my fingers, I squeezed so tight it suffocated, I loved so hard it broke.

Me : (whispered to myself) To all the heartbroken chikas, uh?

WM : (seemed not to catch it but if he did, he didn't act like it) I hope to move on, to learning lessons of importance, in preserving friendships, relationships, any kind of 'ships' out there, I won’t be not guilty of expecting again.

Me : (grinning from ear to ear) Chill now, babe. That's life right. It's about living in expectations, in ambiguity. I've been trying to educate myself to that for quite awhile now. So smile now.

WM : (chuckled) Am in the hot seat today, ey? Your lucky day, gal. Your luck day.

Ambiguity. A delicious one.

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

~ Gilda Radner

Of living life and 'kipas'.

When a colleague and I were on our way to grab some drinks+brunch close to 11.30am earlier, and as I stopped at a junction in campus, I let out a chuckle. The weather was hot like usual and it’s common nowadays that we see girls and get this; even boys are using their colorful, flowery umbrellas everywhere they go. And this one scene that really caught my attention was, two boys (those are my students actually so that what made it a bit funnier) were together riding a bicycle, (the one with a bucket in front, the ones girls usually ride on) and the boy sitting at the back was holding the umbrella up, covering the boy pedaling in front. I mean, I’m not sure what really tickled me, but the thing is they looked so happy and free.

Watching them made me smile. Simply. I've noticed that simple things like that could make my day. Does that make me less complicated or 'hangin'?

Then, my mind quickly backpedalled to at least 3 years ago when I was still a student; thinking mostly about nothing but myself. We simply just had fun (other than going to classes and assignment and er..assignments) most of the time.

Thing is, we should live our lives. Some people forget to cool down. Making fuss over the same matter over and over again. Like myself for example, I do dwell on things all the time (everybody does that.. I’ll kick you if you say no!). I still do. Always. Musing over old rusty stuffs like always but that doesn’t mean I forget to breathe.

Owh well. It’s the final week before the examination. I can’t wait for the whole thing to be done with. Some kids were sweet enough to buy my gifts (taktik bodek la tu..) This one boy even bought me a bar of Cadbury, the big one. Shweet. Indian students bringin’ crispy muruku to the office too. Super nice uh? That reminds me. During this presentation session a few days ago, a group of four boys did a ‘Oh Carol’ song and get this, they changed the name to Suria instead! The whole class roared with whistles and laughter cos’ the four vivacious boys even danced to the beat. I tried my best not to blush. A tactic alright and the girls who sat pretty close to me kept asking ‘Extra marks ya Miss?!’..

Felt like knockin’ them on the head. Lol. Hard.

Buddies.

Friends may come and go. The thoughtful, nicer ones would stay on no matter what. According to him (who has experienced the ups and downs of the cruel world), friends only hang around when you’re capable of helping out. In a way it means, the saying “a friend in need, is a friend indeed” is not his cup of tea. He knows more.

For the time being, I do know who my friends are. The ones I cherish. I know we can’t be sure about tomorrow, right but let’s focus on today.

I’ve been blessed to have these people whom I can call friends. Even better because I get to see some of them lately.

Earlier during Ramadan, Lyd came over bringing me a lot of lauks, yummy lauks cooked by her mother. And am tellin’ you, there were a lot. Thanks again babe. You should have seen her buying keropok on the last day she was here. Stuffing the car with keropok lekor. I haven’t heard from her for awhile except on my birthday and yeah she even posted me a birthday wish to my home which is super nice of her. Bet she’s extra busy with work. All the best, gal! (tu la..soh larik tak mo)

On my birthday, I was so happy because I got to hang out with Ezie (apart from spending it with my other half), my dearest one who just celebrated her own birthday only six days earlier than me. Which means, I’m six days younger, babe. Lol. I was beyond happy actually for it’s been awhile since we last met and both of us have matured abit. I couldn’t stop smiling watching her. We’ve gone through so much together. The hours spent were not enough to be exact for she had to go back to work that day. But we bid farewell only after promising each other to keep in touch and perhaps, meet up again soon.


Last Friday, I should have camped out with Faa, another close friend from boarding school up to college time. I have envisioned us in Pjs having a slumber party. Being with her is always a loud party because we tend to enjoy life, having put the problems at the back of our heads for the moment. However though, the plan had to put on hold for her cousin was due to labor. Another time okay babe?

Instead, I spent my time with Cash, another dear friend back in college in Kuantan. I remember the day we were dragged into Syikin’s car to this restaurant on the second day in IKIP. We were rascals during the days there. Money was simply spent like there’s no tomorrow (upshot of having anak datuks as friends..haha). A short period when I was in a transition of naivety (being in a comfort zone) to self-determination as a teenager. We did so many things together (wild or not, told ya we were teenagers that just got out from boarding schools). Cash was kind enough to pick me up after class and took me to late supper at his so–called favourite diner. He was right though, the prawn platter was a real dig!

The next day, I hung out with Nala, who was together with her rather pious(haha) boyfriend. We couldn’t stop chuckling and smiling as the last time we met would be during Peed’s wedding back in June (yeah, the one we ambushed the bride’s bedroom). I was happy seeing her happy, just got back from visiting her soon-to-be in laws. We couldn’t talk much though, meaning couldn’t have our usual yakking as the guy was there with us all the time( tak kasik can langsung!) She even brought me her famous steamed chocolate cakes. Even thoughtful enough to bake one for him. Thanks nyah! It’s delicious.

(*winks.. G4, I didn’t forget)

I also managed to make a stop at G4’s place in Teluk Intan last August on the way to Kl from Lumut. I can still remember the moment I saw the school with its big name painted against the wall. I had to like, keep blinking trying to make sure whether it's right or not. She was shocked alright when I gave her a call and simply told her that I was just outside of her school. The minute we laid eyes on each other, we shrieked out of joy, forgetting about the students who were obviously so nosy looking at us. It’s been so long since we last met. And yeah, I went to see her just about 2 days after her birthday. Surprise birthday waylay, I tell ya’. Lol. Should I also write here that you look abit different, pak? hehehe.. sweeter like always tho'.

I can’t wait to meet all of them again. And my other buddies too. Before most of us start to step into another world(bukan alam barzakh but the marriage life laa), before some of us start to keep focusing on other matters other than friends. It’s life, right.

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.

~ William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

Makan-makan @ work

A year has passed by and like they always do, this year the faculty again conducted a really mega Syawal celebration on 15th of October. Am tellin' ya... I felt like it was just last week that I attended the faculty's open house last year. I was this sorta very shy girl, being hye'ed and bye'd here and there by the seniors. But this year? Geez.. the shy girl is gone, babe! Lol.

I had so much fun. And mind you, there were plenty of food too! Each department catered a different dish along with the main ones ordered by the faculty. The moment my dear buddy and colleague, Kak Ez arrived at the scene, we quickly attacked the yummy soto. It was delicious!

There were a few cakes and kuehs too. Chocolate cakes, cheese cakes you name it. Nasi dagang, laksa, spaghetti,oil rice (haha… can’t remember who called it that before), roti jala and others. We were stuffed! Each and all of us girls wanted to have a taste of everything and pictures were snapped throughout the process too.

Such a great environment to be in as well as that was a moment when all the staff got to meet up and you know, exchange news and all. It’s a time where you get to see faces that you rarely bump into around campus for most of the Drs and Profs are rather busy with researches and seminars and most of the time they are out of town. One or two I've never seen before and turned out to be the taikos! And they all are very sweet. Yeap, even the bald ones. Lol.

It's a good feeling to mingle with all. We get to free our mind from complicated matters. Even only for awhile. Worth every minute.

When feelings are mocked

Earlier, I played my role as a confidant, lending ears for an aching heart.

“He laughed when I cried,” she said, gently shaking her head.

“Uh?” That’s all I could say. Watching me, she continued, “When it came to a point when I couldn’t take it anymore, my eyes started to..you know, pouring out the water out of no where, and he simply laughed. And that hurts am tellin’ you.. for I hardly cry.“

“Gees.." Another short one from me.

“My questions; my rather innocent, straightforward questions suffocated him, he said.” she inhaled deeply. “And also he thinks I tend to make everything an issue. A big one.”

“Even worse, he scorned when I told him I’m concerned about him. I mean what you’re supposed to do when you love someone?”

I stood there, numb with my mind partly wandering all over the universe, trying to understand.

“There’s more. Acts of affection are considered as guidelines, which again stifled him. I was like..uh? I've never thought that the emotion of loving someone needs adjustment. I thought love is ..love” She sighed.

I managed a scoff.

“Now tell me, what you have to say?” she asked me, but when I looked at her, I was sure she was elsewhere, didn’t really want to hear my opinion on the matter.

I knew she just wanted to speak her heart out.

So I said nothing.

Live the moment.

I was in the toilet today, minding my own business when that sweet, 40-something lady cleaner was sweeping the floor outside my cubicle, and singing to herself, loudly, but melodiously. Right that minute I had the (quickly repressed) impulse to sing along. And to be exact, she was singing a raya song, the one by Rahimah Rahim.

I was feeling somewhat care free, and the idea of joining in her singing came both from a sense of the humor of the situation, as well as a desire to entertain if not her, myself.

Now I realize that if I had sung along with the lady, it would have been unconventional. But there are free spirits in the world. Had I given reign to my impulse, could it not be considered free-spirited? My mother, after all, would walk along the street by herself, singing. Geez..she would even dance if she’s in the mood. Lol.

Am I a free-spirit? Probably yes (don’t even bother ask my close buddies, they’d call me overly so-called care-free), although it's practically quite impossible to know for sure since for much of my life, my true personality was either concealed by coyness and hesitation, or pretty much total surrender depends on the circumstances.

There I was; standing still listening to her singing, once or twice had her voice cracked yet she was indeed relishing her moment in her own way. And listening to her, made me feel good. Simply.

A remembrance to live the moment. Whoever you are.

Memories, revisited..

Unexpected things do happen. When you least expect it to knock on your door.



Thank you b, from the bottom of my heart.

A year has gone by..

Dear Diary,

Forgive me. It’s been awhile I know, but I’ve been hooked up to something rather inconsequential, simply unappealing to be mentioned. But the great news would be, Of Mas Tulen and Honey is a year old now! Wow.

About a year ago today, I was a green ,lil keyed up navigator just about ready to venture the new world (with so much time on her plate that she had the unlimited time to do most about anything, even to set up a humble blog which actually tells nothing more from a babbling heart).

I was eager to set my eyes on the world. All geared up to face the masters. Pretty much an invulnerably untouchable girl.

A year wiser now, I’ve grown to a much wider concept about people, about the world we live in. It’s a bizarre notion to merely just think the optimistic things about lives. Yours. Mine. Theirs. About misconception of perpetual love. About believing what’s best.

I’ve spent the last 20 minutes reading previous entries which were mostly written based on my feelings at that very moment. And I’m still catching up on some more. So much have taken shape. Things have progressed. Some have changed. Some stay the same.

Am looking forward for more adventurous and meaningful years to come. With so-called promising agendas.

I am ready. Yet I am scared. Of things. Yet to happen.

Only God knows.

Life's too short?

I've just got around reading my best pal's emails and one really caught my attention. Love conquers all? You decide.

The girl in the picture is Katie Kirkpatrick, she is 21. Next to her, her fiancé, Nick, 23. The picture was taken shortly before their wedding ceremony, held on January 11, 2005 in the US . Katie has terminal cancer and spend hours a day receiving medication.In the picture, Nick is waiting for her on one of the many sessions of chemo to end.

In spite of all the pain, organ failures, and morphine shots, Katie is going along with her wedding and took care of every detail. The dress had to be adjusted a few times due to her constant weight loss.

An unusual accessory at the party was the oxygen tube that Katie used throughout the ceremony and reception as well.The other couple in the picture are Nick's parents. Excited to see their son marrying his high school sweetheart.

Katie, in her wheelchair with the oxygen tube, listening to a song from her husband and friends

At the reception, Katie had to take a few rests. The pain did not allow her to stand for long periods

Katie died five days after her wedding day.

Watching a woman so ill and weak getting married and with a smile on her face makes us think. Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it lasts. I mean, remember A Walk to Remember? Gees..we should really stop making our lives complicated.

Life is short

break the rules

forgive quickly

love truly

laugh constantly

And never stop smiling no matter how strange life is

Life is not always the party we expected to be but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

Wise Man : Part 10 'Seeing the best in others'

Me : I need to ask you something.

WM : Shoot.

Me : Should we always be suspicious and cynical to protect ourselves from cheats and swindlers?

WM : It ain’t life, babe if there are no cheats and swindlers. The question is not about whether we have to keep our eyes wide opened thinking about not-so-good things about people.

Me : You’re saying?

WM : I mean, people are not perfect. And truths to be told, some mortals we know possess more flaws than positive traits inside. And please, am not talking about myself. (chuckles)

Me : A ha! I get it. So it’s better to always look for the best in others and shut our eyes to the perfidy and manipulation that are certainly 'out there'?

WM : Smart girl.

Me : A serious-looking yet very nice lecturer back in college once told us in class that focusing the good things in other people would take you far. It also makes you feel better inside and out.

WM : You have to keep in mind tho’ that seeing the best in others is actually not, I repeat, not about pretending that everything in the garden is rosy and all is smooth sailing. It's about recognizing the shared humanity of all of us.

Me : Cos’ we are all just human.

WM : It means acknowledging that we ourselves have weaknesses and faults, and we know that we are doing the best we can, whatever others think. The best thing would be that you’re more relaxed and gain deeper psychological understanding of human motivation.

Me : Wow. Sometimes I wonder why I keep swerving around cracking my neck looking for answers from you. Now I know for sure.

WM : You can just simply tell me that I am one smart-a** guy, babe.

Me : Lol. Yeah…I give you that alright.

Times when I can't play my best cards

A quick break (coffee! coffee!). It's the mid term break and the whole week is the ISO thingy and all seem gliding on water. I mean one second I thought I saw that guy bending over the printer machine then when I blinked, phoof! he was gone.

*grins

I’ve learned something since I started working. In some places where I’ve been, it seems that ‘playing stupid’ is considered a workable tactic to be well accepted as a colleague. Not so cool, uh? Am not sure other workplaces require such tricks but then again, why should I think of other places rather than mine? Ha ha.

Thing is, it sometimes pays off. I mean 'playing stupid' that is. I give you an example. I may ask a question even when I already know the obvious answer in order to verify the accuracy of my counterpart’s information or to simply test other colleague’s honesty.

This tactic works because people in my department (especially the ones who think they’ve mastered and achieved so much in life) tend to want to help me more when they actually think I am somehow abit handicapped by a lack of skills, knowledge, or information.

In other words, there are times when playing dumb is smart. Not always tho’, that I have to warn you..lol.

Which is bizarre.

But I guess once in awhile I’d be keen on playing stupid. As well as you know, in some way exposing my weaknesses( but never too much). In doing both I am actually showing my strength. And it is so much fun downplaying myself, knowing what I have in reserve. You’ll see that soon enough people won’t take you for granted.

I try not to play my best cards. A wise man once told me that too. At least not until someone really knows me and I fully trust them.

It’s your call. Either you’re not sure about anything and ‘act stupid’ or you’re a master in your own game and ‘playing stupid’ would transport you way up further than your colleagues.

Enough, enough.. Suria, back to the unfinished paperwork now!

Back to work

It's a challenge, am tellin' you. After splurging the earlier days in total relaxation and bliss, coming back to the workplace is a major effort. Especially when you had so much fun and happiness, worrying mostly about... err..nothing!

But like always, I'm putting a big smile on my face. Ha ha.

People are dying.

Let me rephrase that title. Malaysians are dying. There. Scarier, right?

I’ve just read my daily dose of H1N1 website; http://h1n1.moh.gov.my/ and geez… 59 died already! I was like...'Whoooaa..' Like I said in my earlier entries, truth hurts but the thing is, whether we like it or not, we are, in fact even right now, exposed to the dangerous pandemic. Every single minute.

Just imagine, Malaysia’s death toll from the flu has topped to 59 since the first fatality just three weeks ago.

I remember this one time while chatting away with a college girl on my way to Kuantan and as we were solemnly recollecting our schemas on H1N1, suddenly this one tough-looking(with moustache and all) guy started coughing in the bus. He was just about metres away from us. At that point straightaway, both of us jerked ourself up on the seats, and robotically covered our nose and mouth.

Our life is so freakin’ fragile uh?

Early this morning while getting ready for work, I caught the news as the news presenter smoothly said that this rather ‘deathly situation’ would continue up ‘til 6 months and not surprisingly, a year onwards. *sighs.. there goes my backp-packing adventure across Australia. I know, I knoe. Australia is one of the critical countries. Even now they have hundred unreported cases there.

I even cut short my classes last week. Can you really blame me when most of the students, even tho they had masks covering their face and all, were coughing and sneezing all the time? I didn’t want to take the risk, man. We here have been reminded again and again by both the Vice Chancellor and his deputy to remind the kids before lectures to ask them to go to the university’s health centre if anyone at all faces any discomfort while breathing and high fever.

To be quite frank though, most students are keeping the problem to themselves cos’ they’d rather feel sick than being quarantined at the centre. Stupid? You tell me.

Check out this website about what the other countries are doing to control the spreading of the pandemic; http://www.channelnewsasia.com/fluoutbreak/gallery_20090428095443.htm

Please take extra care of yourself, y'all. Drink alot of water.

Other things that we should do to protect ourselves and loved ones from the flu? You know better.

Peace and out.

Up, up and away

Dear Diary,

It is now exactly 1.51am and I formally proclaim that I can barely close my eyes even though my weary body was squealing for total nerves and muscles hiatus. As always you would be asking why (if you could talk that is), and I’d tell you that my mind is mulishly working; mulling over things, non-humdrum things I must say.

I’ve been thinking, and thinking I’ve been doing for a jiffy now.

I’ve never thought that watching hungry-looking fishes in greenish, sugar caned-coloured pond would pull a cord in me. I’ve never thought that gazing at someone’s devilish grin means the world to me. I’ve never thought that a simple motion of familiarity would make me feel like a million buck. I’ve never thought that such mundane episode of savouring sweet dokong leaves an incessant craving in me(lets drop the part where I had to pay recurrent visits to the loo afterwards..lol). I’ve never thought that ramming my teeth into yummy fresh bloody red plums would put a smile on my face. I’ve never thought that just merely hymning a name would make my heart beat 3 times faster.

O boy..I guess I’ve never thought of lots of things before.

With You’ve Got To Read This Book! by Jack Canfield and Gay Hendricks (a book which I suggest to all for pure motivation and restoring the wounded inner self, courtesy of the other half) held and clutched close to the upper left side of my body, my heart is soaring. Yeap. Just like a bird. Not just any bird. A strong one.

Up, up and away.

Movie Review #8: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

As you might have guessed it, my so called movie marathon did not happen. *sigh.. I didn’t get to watch any of the movies that I’ve mentioned before. Am still counting for it though, at least a quarter, for some of them are still rolling at the cinemas.

Instead, last Thursday I watched The Taking of Pelham 123. First reason would be Denzel Washington. I mean come on, he is an Oscar winner right, so surely he only acts in well-scripted, cool movies.

He stars as Walter Garber, a transit control supervisor who’s been demoted to dispatching duty while under investigation for allegedly accepting a bribe on a business trip (which is not entirely his fault). When a group of criminals led by a man named Ryder (John Travolta) hijacks a New York City subway train and holds its passengers hostage, Garber is the unlucky dispatcher who receives the call. Kinda scary uh?

With a bag of popcorn in my hand, once the interplay between the two leads started, the film had me pinned to my seat. Both of these men give great performances in the film. Travolta with his goatee looks abit vulnerable and rough at the same time. Pretty cool. But Washington is the one I prefer. I mean Travolta was at his best in Grease (smirk as much as you like but I love him playing Danny..and that scene when he sang Sandy…oh Sandy..)

As we all know, Denzel has played many wise characters in his past films right, ones that know the answer to a conflict. The know-it-all kinda guy. But in this movie, he plays more of a reluctant character and gives deeper depth to the character, Garber.

Denzel doesn't make himself seem like a big time movie star, but instead a flawed man which really adds to the drama. I could feel his twisted emotions while he’s at it. I was touched big time by this one particular scene where he has to break down after being provoked but Ryder and reveal his guilt in a pending court decision.

Nice one. He said the storyline would be a lot better if they have the lead hijacker stays alive though. Opps.. a spoiler? Naah…lol.. Go and judge it for yourself.

You and I. Both.

Dear Diary,

A few days ago, we went to the beach, which was one of our countless treasured moments. Simply wonderful. Undescribable. Okay, I'll stop there.

Then, there was a time when a couple, walking towards our direction, was looking comfortably attached to one another. They look roughly in their late 40s, who were really in the mood of relaxation happily strolling along the Cherating shore and the funny thing was, my other half started to make suppositions about the couple. Let me try to recall what he actually said; ‘Hmm..You knoe what. They are already married for thousand years and trying to rekindle the relationship or...or... they just got married’. And then came that wink. Lol.

Yup. Sometimes it’s a fun thing to do to just sit and watch people who are around us. I mean, every now and then we can tell or maybe guess about other people just by looking at their expressions and motions. For example, we can actually figure out that this one couple is in some way having an argument eventho they are not particularly arguing. Dig me?

Maybe just from they way they are not talking to each other, their frowns or twitching of the eyelids.. things like that. (am I talking from experience..where someone that barely knows us was actually concerned when we were not entirely in a good mood that day?)

Okay back to the couple, I mean the one we saw on the beach. They did seem very at ease with each other which is something I find abit rare in Malay culture. They were showing affection to each other, in a way that not mushy and yucky... but instead, sweetly. Older married couple that is still obviously in love. One thing that came into my mind at that precise moment was: 'I want that. '

You get what I mean? The affection. The love. No matter how old you are. Period.

After awhile, my eyes kinda glued to the man, who somehow looked abit familiar. 'I think I know this man', and then when the lady next to him turned around and sorta smiled at us, I let out a huge grin. She's that 'cakar harimau' practitioner aka ustazah Bahiyah with her husband, ustaz Wan Akasyah, if I'm not mistaken. I was like, stunned and some how impressed cos' they really practise what they say in their speeches. Which is super cool. Not like some experts who claimed they're the best in marriage counselling and all but yet, do they really mean it?

Like I said earlier, I want that. I want to be a half of a couple that stays together through thick and thin and through many trials, which lead to a great love and an abiding devotion one for the other.

Not impossible, right?

'I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.'

- Mother Teresa -