Silent fall.

It’s been awhile since I last cried (I won't spill the reason of me crying last time.. ever). Tonight, I’m crying again. Over a movie. *blwweek Oookay, am exaggarating. Just a few, countable tears down the cheek.

It’s Silent Fall, a 90s movie with Liv Tyler (she was waay too young and hot), Linda Hamilton and some other well-known stars which I can’t be bothered knowing.


Am not going into details about the storyline, but right this minute, my tears are falling simply by just watching the way Liv’s brother, aged around 8 year old who is autistic banging his body against the cushioned wall (he’s admitted to a psychiatric ward), continuously whisking himself around, as the lead Dr. tries so hard calming him down.

I’m not sure what really bothers me but it is sad and frustrating watching a kid, who barely speaks, tries so hard to suppress his emotion yet at the same time wanting so bad to spill, needing his loved one to understand his pain.

“Nobody knows the real meaning of autism.” I search for a connection.You have words to say, but you can't find a way to say them. How familiar, how bizzare.


A really nice one. Anything that can make me sleep at night, soundly mind you.

Ibumu ibuku jua..

“Orang perempuan once dah jadi isteri, her priority adalah suami, no matter what. Syurga isteri di bawah telapak kaki suami. Orang lelaki pulak tak kira bujang or suami orang, syurga dia tetap di bawah telapak kaki ibu.”(Lynn, 2010)

There I was, listening quietly last night as I drove us to our new addition of dinning spots. I can’t remember exactly the root of it that sparked the whole conversation on responsibilities as a woman and a man. My friend's rambling on the matter reminded me of my newly married cousin who since forever strongly stressed that his entire world is his mother, no matter what. Secretly, the three of us (his brother, our other cousin and I) made a harmless bet, stating that he would if not much, have trouble devoting his loyalty and love towards the one mother, for now he has known the new world of having a wife. We want to see if the common mother/daughter-in-law war occurs in their world. =)

In a way I know, it’s an unspoken vow between a husband and a wife that nothing can come between a son and a mother. It’s an unspoken vow that automatically, you as a wife should love your mother in law like your very own mother.

(A mental note there: Your husband=your life/his mother=his life/his life=your life) Translation: There shouldn’t be any conflict when your other half’s mother is in the picture.

I mean, it’s a lovely thing, right because after marriage you’ll have two mothers. Such a blessing.

Another year has gone by..

It's the second anniversary of || Of Mas Tulen and Honey ||. Woohoo. The creator hasn't been nice for she rarely gets the chance to pour her heart out. Life's a struggle; coping with people, work, hearts.

She quickly clicked on last year's entry on the exact date. Things have changed this year. A lot in fact. Mas Tulen has if not much, evolved abit. Two whole years.

She remembers the day when she started typing and creating this whole blog thing on the 8th of October 2008, exactly 3 days after she reported herself here, in a place so foreign ('cos eventhough her father's clans are scattered around, she didn't recall calling the place 'kampung saya balik beraya'..ever). It didn't suit her, well.. maybe never.

Things change. People change. She changes.

This is what she has in mind; Nothing in life is forever. We need to embrace change as we would an old friend.

Bitter-sweet though it may be.

2 years: I've survived

Wow. Today is the 5th of October 2010. It's been exactly 2 years! Wo hooo.

I've learned a lot here. I've met many. I've been wacked. I’ve been cherished. It’s one hell of an experience.

Experience by Dorothy Livesay (1955)

"For your own good" they said,
And they gave me bread
Bitter and hard to swallow.

My head felt tired after it,
My heart felt hollow.
So I went away on my own road
Tasting all fruits, all breads:
And if some were bitter, others were sweet --
So I learned
How the heart is fed.

A vow

We have come to a secret agreement. 26^th of September 2010.

Attached herewith is the contract:

.............................................................................................................................................................................................

These terms and conditions are applicable starting from 4.25pm, Sunday 26^th of September 2010 until an updated, mutual understanding.

Yeah, I know. There’s nothing there. It’s called a 'secret' agreement, remember. Therefore I am not allowed to reveal the content to public.

On my part, I know it’s going to hurt but I can’t or to be more precise, I don’t want to let go.

That’s all for now.

"I am Hanie, reporting live from 321, peace and out." (Seacrest's style)

Teman

I've had it. A buddy kept asking for the title of the song after listening to it for the very first time on Sinar.fm. I was quiet at first, trying to recall the title for I know the song. There's someone who loves the song, well.. maybe he still loves it, or maybe not. I have no idea. Aanyway, the minute I remembered, I logged on and surfed through Youtube then walla.

There you have it, pal. (*from now on, if you're dying to listen to it, after waiting and waiting for Sinar to play it again, just go to Mas Tulen.. I'll try to download later. Gess).

So yeah, it's called Teman by Lovehunters (back in the 80s Singaporean band). Cool vocal I must say. The pics are rather ..eer.. flowery but the main focus is the song ok. Lol.

"People killin' people dyin'..."

"...... children hurt and you hear them cryin'.."

Where is the love? Black Eyed Peas once loudly 'preached' these words and now I am using them to ignite my dissappointment towards current 'modern' humanity.

The deaths of fellow citizens, Datuk Sosilawati and her three companions haven't been confirmed until DNA test proves that the bone fragments found are theirs. Yet the nation is buzzing with shock due to the gruesome, cruel episode.

'Tangkap, pukul, bunuh, bakar.' Those were the words used during the primetime news yesterday and that got me stunned and thinking. Imagine the pain they had to endure from the very minute they were captured until their last breath. Gees. Simply unimaginable.

Where is humanity?

When I start to look and think deeper about the things happening around the world, and when I see all these ugly things, I gulped. Hard. There is not enough goodness in people to make me feel hopeful about our future.

I really do wonder what is the point of everything. What's happening to humanity? Picture this: A is mad at B and A just grab a gun or a knife or a golf club and baam! B, who A loathes before is now dead. End of story. Masya Allah. How immoral.

Where has our dignity gone? What is the real value of a LIFE?

I think given the damage humanity has inflicted upon mother earth, we have got alot, I mean ALOT to do in order to seek for ultimate redemption.

Am telling ya', what we have now, is a broken humanity.

Ada apa dengan iklan raya Maxis 2010?

It seems like we don't get to watch many interesting advertisements this raya. I mean, we used to have continuous, back to back either tickling or touching advertisements to feast our eyes on while doing preparation for raya in front of the idiot box. Remember the mother with 7 sons? Or the bus driver with many kids together with a heavily pregnant wife? Lol.

I like Maxis advertisement for this year. Short yet meaningful. Touching in fact. Just by the look that they have on each other on the bus brings tears to my eyes. So sincere, so in love.

How sweet for the wife to go home to her late husband's kampung and visits her parents in law. Even sweeter considering that he was their only child. The one and only. Which is now, gone.

Triple sweet is because she's a muallaf and she treats her parents in law like her very own parents. How thoughtful, knowing now that elderly couple has no one else but her.

The message is clear;

"Selagi hayat dikandung badan, takkan putus tali persaudaraan."