The moment of peace after waking up lasts all but ten minutes. Yup, that 'long'. As I go into the bathroom, I feel yesterday's blues reassert themselves in my forehead.
Still, there's no desperate rush this morning. I have time to catch the usual yaks of MHI for a while but at nine o'clock I'm obliged to log on to the computer and start my work. I tell myself that I will not let myself feel rushed. I'll maintain a Zen-like calm, taking moments out of the day to center myself. I will go for breakfast, and not allow myself to get flustered and irritable, unlike yesterday. Geez, yesterday was a catastrophe. Let’s not go into that.
For days now, I've been meaning to set aside time for figuring out a new, cooler way to live. To foster practices that will not let my mood be assaulted by the demands of the day, loads of paperwork, or my own drive to get as much done as I can.
I hope to do that today, but, by twelve thirty I realize that I'm exactly where I don't want to be. I'm constantly pushing myself to work on the scripts marking, I'm anxious and dejected, and I haven't gotten as far in my work as I need to (the shifting deadline is currently set for Friday..yikes!!)
How am I supposed to fit everything else in today, in addition to work: going for that marking, working on my assignments, taking time out to figure out how to be? By five thirty, however, I stop working, turn off the computer and hit the road. Earlier I escaped, during the day, to a cafe with thoughts on catching up with Dr. Hanim's assigned articles, half an hour from the university. I need to get out of the office sometimes to keep my sanity.
But it's too late, now, to do everything I wanted to do, since I'll be going out with the crew not long after Maghrib prayer. Still, I could make a start. But wait, I need to put this down for awhile. Am so in the mood to get this off my chest. There's always something that needs doing today.
And, there's always tomorrow ...err. Right? (boy am I in trouble)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Nadiku
I promised myself before that I won't make this blog as a platform for a total expression of feelings. Instead, I've turned it to a personal rack of collection of songs that I currently listen to. Which I think some how reflects a certain degree of emotional shout outs.
Things are going smoothly lately, for those who are wondering (and no, am still keeping and running Of Mas Tulen and Honey ). Things are good. And most of them are created out of changes and adjustment. 'Cos that's what we do as humans. We adapt to changes and adjustments.
I've missed out some things. At the same time, I am missing some things as well. Such a shame.
Aaanyways. I first heard this song while I was on my usual route coming home from work in Dungun. Of late, I rarely have my radio blasted on like I used to, and then that one particular day, my finger pushed the radio button on and there you might have guessed it, this song was aired. And I was stuck. Up until this very moment. Tomorrow is a different story.
Have a go at it (if you haven't, I mean). I won't babble about how this song affects me in some ways or anything.
Cheers.
Things are going smoothly lately, for those who are wondering (and no, am still keeping and running Of Mas Tulen and Honey ). Things are good. And most of them are created out of changes and adjustment. 'Cos that's what we do as humans. We adapt to changes and adjustments.
I've missed out some things. At the same time, I am missing some things as well. Such a shame.
Aaanyways. I first heard this song while I was on my usual route coming home from work in Dungun. Of late, I rarely have my radio blasted on like I used to, and then that one particular day, my finger pushed the radio button on and there you might have guessed it, this song was aired. And I was stuck. Up until this very moment. Tomorrow is a different story.
Have a go at it (if you haven't, I mean). I won't babble about how this song affects me in some ways or anything.
Cheers.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
You got me
Finally.
After all the songs that I have heard before from her, those that people claim are songs that are good, yet for me are mediocre, finally this one is an eye-opener for me. Lol.
Such a sweet, lovely song. The words are catchy and straight-forward which I sometimes dig. And hell yeah, she's okay.
After all the songs that I have heard before from her, those that people claim are songs that are good, yet for me are mediocre, finally this one is an eye-opener for me. Lol.
Such a sweet, lovely song. The words are catchy and straight-forward which I sometimes dig. And hell yeah, she's okay.
Wise Man : Part 13 ‘In the shape of a heart’
About a week ago, I was asked about the shape of a heart. The story behind it.
Well, I couldn't say much for it for I didn't know the real deal. I managed to come up with something that has to do with the symbolism of a heart. Also that a heart is usually addressed with red colour, which I guess to signify passion and strong emotions.
Yet, I was asked again about the shape. What does it mean? I held my hands up then and winked.
Me : Come on, spill.
WM : It is simple. A heart is formed by two question marks facing each other. (Paused, maybe waiting for some 'uuuu' or 'aaaa' am not sure)
Me : Hmm.. I guess so.
WM : It's so obvious babe, can't you see. Everything, anything makes sense, right when it's a heart thingy. It's always questionable when it comes to feelings.
Me : Maybe.
WM : Face it. Sometimes, there are more questions that answers. More doubts.
Me : That I agree. Now we're on the same page, brother.
WM : It's my theory. My very own. Am smart, you see.
Me : (sighed) Cool.
Well, I couldn't say much for it for I didn't know the real deal. I managed to come up with something that has to do with the symbolism of a heart. Also that a heart is usually addressed with red colour, which I guess to signify passion and strong emotions.
Yet, I was asked again about the shape. What does it mean? I held my hands up then and winked.
Me : Come on, spill.
WM : It is simple. A heart is formed by two question marks facing each other. (Paused, maybe waiting for some 'uuuu' or 'aaaa' am not sure)
Me : Hmm.. I guess so.
WM : It's so obvious babe, can't you see. Everything, anything makes sense, right when it's a heart thingy. It's always questionable when it comes to feelings.
Me : Maybe.
WM : Face it. Sometimes, there are more questions that answers. More doubts.
Me : That I agree. Now we're on the same page, brother.
WM : It's my theory. My very own. Am smart, you see.
Me : (sighed) Cool.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Of chirping birds and dancing butterflies
It’s been awhile since I felt so happy. Yeah, I’ll just use the word ‘happy’ there. ‘Cos happy is what I am right now. It’s been awhile alright. Then today happened. I smiled and smiled. I guess I’ll start writing again.
Hold on. The way I put it seems like I only write when I am happy. That’s not the case. There was a shortage of entries starting this year due to work and I have to say, life. Deep down I must add that I didn’t write because I was afraid that I might say things that I might regret because some occasions that happened clearly didn’t bring me joy.
Yet again, today happened.
Plus with the help of Elviza with her latest entry on Why I Write, I aim to simply continue expressing my thoughts and whatnot here. Most of her reasons are the reasons I write. For instance, to mend a scarred heart ‘cos writing has its beautiful way to heal that aching twitches which I sometimes become so irritated with myself for letting the twitches control my emotion.
Today, I learned the true meaning of appreciating others.
A wise man said, appreciate those who appreciate you. I’ve noticed that we as human beings feel some kind of joy when people especially our loved ones are thoughtful and appreciative. It means that some mutual understandings occur.
A simple as that.
Hold on. The way I put it seems like I only write when I am happy. That’s not the case. There was a shortage of entries starting this year due to work and I have to say, life. Deep down I must add that I didn’t write because I was afraid that I might say things that I might regret because some occasions that happened clearly didn’t bring me joy.
Yet again, today happened.
Plus with the help of Elviza with her latest entry on Why I Write, I aim to simply continue expressing my thoughts and whatnot here. Most of her reasons are the reasons I write. For instance, to mend a scarred heart ‘cos writing has its beautiful way to heal that aching twitches which I sometimes become so irritated with myself for letting the twitches control my emotion.
Today, I learned the true meaning of appreciating others.
A wise man said, appreciate those who appreciate you. I’ve noticed that we as human beings feel some kind of joy when people especially our loved ones are thoughtful and appreciative. It means that some mutual understandings occur.
A simple as that.
Monday, February 1, 2010
You're the Voice
Forgive me but I can't resist myself from putting this clip up. It makes me laugh so it matters.
Told 'ya am in love with Merlin now. Lol. Okay. Maybe that one abit childish. Let's watch another clip. The original one. A more mature and realistic one by John Farnham.
A great song to boost the hard days. Yieha!
Told 'ya am in love with Merlin now. Lol. Okay. Maybe that one abit childish. Let's watch another clip. The original one. A more mature and realistic one by John Farnham.
A great song to boost the hard days. Yieha!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold ~ Zelda Fitzgerald
Dear Diary,
I’ve deserted you I know, but worry not; I’ve dusted away some dust lying around. Lol.
I rushed home after dinner for Merlin after giving some lame excuse to my acquaintance. And I was beyond relief that I didn’t miss the episode; The Lady of the Lake. It’s the one where Merlin falls in love. A must-see. Indeed I feel great to watch it, for it’s been quite awhile since I watched anything on tv. In fact watching Avatar at the cinema (the second time) weeks ago was the only time I sat still and had the time for myself. Geez.
Now, this is the one we can see the real soft spot of him. He falls for Freya, a vulnerable, spell-bound young girl, a druid who transforms into a ferocious, blood-sucking beast at midnight. Within seconds, we can see how Merlin blushes and skips on cloud nines.
I simply love the part where they have this conversation about moving far away, their dream of escaping to the mountains (Merlin), a few fields (Freya), wild flowers (Merlin), with a couple of cows (Freya), and a lake (both). How sweet. *sighs..I miss having that sort of yak. I miss you, sayang.
I had a couple of tears (not more) for him when it ends. Because I know how it feels when you reach a point where you are tremendously happy you’d do anything for love. When you beam for days on ends. And the sharp sting when there are roadblocks along the way. When everything was wrong and right, wrong when it’s not supposed to be that way, but right because you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Make sense?
Love is a battlefield. His loses.
I’ve deserted you I know, but worry not; I’ve dusted away some dust lying around. Lol.
I rushed home after dinner for Merlin after giving some lame excuse to my acquaintance. And I was beyond relief that I didn’t miss the episode; The Lady of the Lake. It’s the one where Merlin falls in love. A must-see. Indeed I feel great to watch it, for it’s been quite awhile since I watched anything on tv. In fact watching Avatar at the cinema (the second time) weeks ago was the only time I sat still and had the time for myself. Geez.
Now, this is the one we can see the real soft spot of him. He falls for Freya, a vulnerable, spell-bound young girl, a druid who transforms into a ferocious, blood-sucking beast at midnight. Within seconds, we can see how Merlin blushes and skips on cloud nines.
I simply love the part where they have this conversation about moving far away, their dream of escaping to the mountains (Merlin), a few fields (Freya), wild flowers (Merlin), with a couple of cows (Freya), and a lake (both). How sweet. *sighs..I miss having that sort of yak. I miss you, sayang.
I had a couple of tears (not more) for him when it ends. Because I know how it feels when you reach a point where you are tremendously happy you’d do anything for love. When you beam for days on ends. And the sharp sting when there are roadblocks along the way. When everything was wrong and right, wrong when it’s not supposed to be that way, but right because you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Make sense?
Love is a battlefield. His loses.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
2010 : Never knew I needed
Dear Diary,
It's a brand new book. 2010. A brand new chapter in life. Most characters would remain the same especially the main players. Some would unsoundly embark together in the journey. Which is highly anticipated.
That's the unique thing about life where some things are never intended to be included in the chapters. Yet they are meant to be. I have yet to achieve one thing I really need. That I love. That I want.The one thing that I never truly knew I needed.
I'll start the 'book' with a song. You may say I hope for the ending of my first begin now.
"It's about two people who they feel like they know what they want, they know what they need in life, and realize they do need each other but they don't know what they need. That they have no idea the realization becomes what they need is love, and they find that with each other." (Neyo, 2009)
It's a brand new book. 2010. A brand new chapter in life. Most characters would remain the same especially the main players. Some would unsoundly embark together in the journey. Which is highly anticipated.
That's the unique thing about life where some things are never intended to be included in the chapters. Yet they are meant to be. I have yet to achieve one thing I really need. That I love. That I want.The one thing that I never truly knew I needed.
I'll start the 'book' with a song. You may say I hope for the ending of my first begin now.
"It's about two people who they feel like they know what they want, they know what they need in life, and realize they do need each other but they don't know what they need. That they have no idea the realization becomes what they need is love, and they find that with each other." (Neyo, 2009)
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