Heartbreak

On the first day of Eid al-Adha, together with another two joyous, bubbly friends, we went to pay a visit at our other friend’s house. The minute I saw Sue (not her real name..he he), I was simply alarmed, seeing how frail she looked. Only last Aidilfitri we met and yakked, and boy we were so stuffed with food I thought both of us were the chubbiest charming people in the whole room at our teacher’s open house. But seeing her now, she has lost weight!

Without beating around the bush, she said it, her eyes abit puffy, “My boyfriend and I broke up.”

I remember myself sighing at that exact moment, for it was still fresh in my mind about a year ago when Sue went through the same thing, and please note, with the same guy. Only this time, he’s going out with another new girl. So there, I said it. My poor friend; got dumped over some chick. For the second time.

But.

From the way she said it this time, there’s no way she’ll end up running into his arms again. She said she has learned to really let go, no matter how much she still loves him.



While enjoying the generous spread of Raya dishes, three of us girls listened to her rumblings. She was involved in that relationship for 6 years (phew) until that useless jerk decided to break it off. She was clearly very devastated as she had always assumed they would end up married to each other.

I can see as much as she said she is trying to get over him, she can't seem to repress the strong feelings and that I must say is tearing her apart. She skipped days of work after the breakup, and still she finds it hard to eat, sleep, even to go about her regular daily bustles. Everything reminds her of memories they shared, I mean even scratching her nose reminds her of that jerk.

Then out of nowhere, dear Tini (also not her real name) grumbled, “Just forget him, Sue. There’s no use of thinking about him anymore. I mean, we should know when to leave things the way they should be, especially when he’s the one saying bye.”

Fiera (bukan nama sebenar) and I were looking at each other, giving the ‘look’ as a signal of ‘geez Tini, give her a break”. Eventhough I myself do believe that it’s a closed case, when your supposedly spouse dumped you. But maybe there's a hidden story behind it all. Who knows?

Sue didn’t flinch though thank God. She heaved an elaborated sigh and whispered, “Trust me, I’m trying.”

I mean I know for a fact that it is never easy when a relationship ends. The memories are still fresh, the thoughts and feelings are all still there and then there’s the problem of "I hate him-no-I want him back" to deal with. How you choose to handle it is up to you, but it’s not going to be easy no matter what. Still, how well you rebound can be determined by what path you choose to take. Right?

Yeah, I know it’s easy said than done. Make no mistake about it; getting dumped is awful. I mean come on, you invest weeks, months, or even years with someone – then that someone decides that he’d or she’d be better off without you. Suddenly, there’s a hole, a big gap in your life where a significant other used to be. Nights, weekends, holidays, everything takes on a new shade when you’re flying solo.

And while it’s tempting to wallow in misery, keep the points below in mind, still sooner or later you will realize that it’s not that bad. Maybe just maybe something/someone better is waiting there.

Maybe not some over the top portrayal of dashing knight with shining armor riding a helluva hot white horse, but still.

It’s never wrong to dream, and to always keep your options wide open.

And that’s what I told her the day I sent her off at the bus station the next day. I wish for her happiness to soon greet her again.

Boy she looks smokin’ hot now she’s lost more than 5 kilos, only less than a month! Her ex would be eating his heart out soon. Trust me. And maybe he’d be kneeling on his knees begging and pleading for Sue to take him back?

Sweet revenge, ey?

Kenapa, Mengapa & Sebab apa

Dear Diary,

I wish you know how much I've missed telling you stuffs. And bitchin' about some morons. And reminiscing the joy I had as a teen with skeletons in different closets. It's been a while, uh?

I need to tell you this for I'm afraid that I'd forget whatever happened earlier today. Other than that horrible incident in Bukit Antarabangsa. God bless them.

'Kenapa, mengapa dan sebab apa'.

I bet everyone would say that those three things practically mean the same. Except for one person.

And right now, I'm still in some kind of shock after a revelation of something that I have never expected in my entire life.

I know I am not making any sense, trust me I know but I need to let it off my chest. I need to not forget today. 6th of December 2008. Guess I need some closure within myself, a soul-diggin system as a means to remind me that we are exposed to any forms of emotional-tangled web, whether we like it or not.

Whether it's between you and someone you have known all your freakin' life.

O boy.

'Til next time.

A Guardian from Above

This morning, while going through bundles of files/folders in my room, I caught a glimpse of something long forgotten yet so familiar. I picked this one thin clear paper holder and there it was; a newspaper article of one extraordinary person who got excellent PMR result whilst fighting for his life.

In no time at all, I was taken down memory lane, and here I am, typing away.

I've noticed how the sound of a ringin phone sometimes triggers my bewildered memory as if at once, I'm sucked into the time zone and land fiercely bum-first thinking, dwelling and thinking about things in the past.

I can’t remember accurately the date of the incident but, it was the day when my mother and I were preparing dishes for tomorrow’s ‘sahur’, first of Ramadan, 1999. The phone rang and it was Kak Rashidah, my best friend’s big sister whom I used to be so scared to be around with. She had such a reserved look with an invisible billboard on her forehead stated “Don’t mess with me” and an additional big mole next to her right brow definitely completed the whole package.

It was then an extreme surprise to having her calling me, but the very minute I heard her voice; I knew something wrong had happened to Afifi.

This entry shall be all about him.

Afifi and I were close friends since Standard Six and the fact that we didn’t share any biological gender similarities was out of the question. I did have many girlfriends, but truth to be told, having a male species as a close friend is a lot easier. I am hugely ecstatic to say that I was pompous to be around him.

Bill Gates was not in our vocabulary, but if it did exist back then, Afifi would suit the profile. He had this thick black rimmed spectacle that he wore in class because he was a short-sighted which sometimes hung low on top of his sharp nose. Even though most of the time he was a neat freak, but when in class, his thick black hair was a mass of messy bundle twigs. He along with another friend of mine, Cheok, used to be punished by the teachers because most of the time they would be engrossed in chess despite of having to complete mathematic questions or writing an essay.

More than twice his set of chess was taken away by Mr. Sheikh, our class teacher but did he stop? No way. He was too good in chess as well in his studies, so the teachers had to have their eyes blindfolded.

By the end of 1994, both of us received flying colors in our UPSR examination and were then accepted to different boarding schools. I had ripples in my stomach knowing that we hardly had an opportunity to meet up as often as we liked because his father was transferred to another state and his new school was hundreds of kilometers from mine. However, regardless of the distance and all, our friendship kept blossoming along with the telephone bills.

Distance is indeed an enemy in a relationship.

Some say that life is cruel and unfair, and that was what in my mind when I found out one day in 1997 from a friend of mine that Afifi was diagnosed with leukemia!

Just imagine, Leukemia. The L word.

I was totally shocked and recalled the way he comforted me when I called him right away after the news saying that he being sick was fated and no one could do anything. I was frantic in the phone slightly blaming him of not telling me about his bad health. I know, I know, I was abit stupid at the time, largely thinking only about myself, of how hurt I was not being informed sooner than later.

The very minute the school holiday started, I rode a bus and headed to his new house to visit.The first time I laid eyes on him after three years, I had to recuperate myself and be totally in control in favor of not disappointing him in what ever reason.

Obviously he knew that I was going to be shocked, seeing him totally different. Leukemia had changed him tremendously. His big frame had shrunk, his shoulder blades were showing and staring at them, I thought of pouring water onto the deep curves. He has turned into a skinny boy with huge head hanging above his frail body.

He was chirpy and clearly happy to see me but I nearly wept seeing the black spots under his eyes and also those purplish needles’ marks on both of his arms. He must have suffered so badly!

Did he show any sign of pain in front of me? Nope. Not once he whined. Instead of succumbing to any stories of his series of radiation and medication, he showed me newspapers cuttings covering about his success in PMR.

One of the headlines, “Leukemia boy achieved 9As on hospital bed” and he was potrayed mostly in all major newspapers. He later had it all photocopied and sent it to me, the one I still have until now.

That day, he also cracked a joke about how he did better than I even though he took the exam in hospital.

Leukemia is not only a foe, but also a determiner in creating a very tough, positive minded human being which had accept his fate and believed that God had installed the best for him ‘up there’. I remembered how I kept blinking my teary eyes watching him animatedly telling about how he missed school and simply missed the ordinary life that he once faced without pain and difficulties.

His expression precisely at that moment is what I have whenever I think of him.

After the shocking phone call from Afifi’s sister, I hastily ran to my room with my mother worriedly tailing after me asking what happened. I managed to mutter “Afifi’s gone” I think.

Thing is, that call from Kak Rashidah transmitted the end of his misery. I was crestfallen but I knew God loves him alot more.

I couldn’t stop crying, thinking how he had lead his life in pain and torture, and how he easily smiled and shrugged saying that it was all part of Allah’s test upon him. That was exactly Afifi I knew. He was a time-resistant proof that no matter what the circumstances, you have to hold your head high and face the world the best you can.

I learn that from him. One who was a down to earth psyche yet taught me so much. Taught me to appreciate life and be strong even though life betrays you.

Oh well. He is by His side now. There's nothing more to worry about.

May he rest in peace. Amin.

Simple lessons in life.

Phew.. now I'm back to being fully myself again. Or so I think. lol. Life was kind of a bumpy, convoluted and fun all together ride for me since last Monday. Things that happened in some ways taught me something raw and totally memorable that I am bloody sure I'd cherish 'til the day I die. (or 'til I bump into another bigger-than-life rapturous ride of all time)

So basically I survived. Yay!

I want to share some pretty useful life lessons that my good friend sent me through email. I was in a distorted, messy condition when he called from KS and next thing I knew, he sent me this;

Simple Life Lessons:

1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. (to be pooped on I guess)

2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. (yeap, I've noticed some guy who called bloggers "monkeys" and then finally became one himself..oops)

3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4. Drive carefully -- it's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. (I'm guilty as charged)

6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8. Never buy a car you can't push. (btw, I had my car trapped in the flood phenomenon that day. I'll write a post on that one fine day)

9. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I did represent my school for a traditional dance competition long time ago. shhh..don't tell anyone)

11. Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12. The second mouse gets the cheese.

13. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. (This could be the reason why some people we know lost votes after having too many things coming their way)

14. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15. You may be the only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. (so shwweeett..makes me wonder..)

16. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once

17. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box . (wow. way deep man, way deep)

18. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. (I'm trying here, gimme a break..lol)

It did make me feel good reading these simple life lessons that I finally understand that life has so much more to offer.

To everyone.

CPR. Now.

One fine beautiful morning about 3 days ago, as I was juggling a file and my overstuffed attaché case at the entrance, I heard a frantic voice calling after me, “Panjang umur haa. Tunggu! Tunggu! Ada surat!”

I stopped dead in my track, smiling simply waiting for the sweet girl skipping towards me. Right after exchanging few hellos and 'have-you-heard's and also some juicy yakkin' on the side (she's our CNN over here..lol), I carried all the stuffs back to my office.

My eyes nearly popped out as I read the letter;

Pelantikan Sebagai Juruacara Seminar Antarabangsa Bahasa Melayu Dalam Komunikasi Era Globalisasi

Dengan segala hormatnya Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka Wilayah Timur dengan kerjasama Universiti Malaysia Terengganu akan menganjurkan seminar tersebut di atas pada 1-3 Disember 2008.....

Da hell? Braincheck... Ookay let see, Datuk Seri Utama Dr. Rais Yatim's going to be there on the 2nd, right. Alright. Take it easy, Suria. Breathe in, breathe out.

This has got to be a joke. Err.. right?

Then I just lost it.

A memento: Of staring at the wall

So much is going on in my life right now that, it’s kind of difficult to choose what to write about. For some, they might know that I've just started a new phase in life. Another chapter in my own memoir.

Another journey.

Once in awhile (like right now, where it's so outlandishly quiet outside my hide-out), I would sit down and start wondering about what life is all about, and what happiness and success mean to different people. Different people, different views. My mom used to say 'Manusia mane kan sama citarasanya. Kalau tak, takkan la ada banyak design kat kedai kain'. Exactly.

The pursuit of happiness. Of course I always come out of such moments of pondering just as clueless as before.

Mind you I do know I am someone who doesn't want to postpone happiness. Maybe I have never uttered that expression out loud but da hell, it's all up here (pointing to the head) and also here (now pointing to the left side of the chest).

You know how some people always say things like 'I'll be happy when I can retire at 45', or 'I'll be happy when I make my first million', or .. or 'I'll be so so happy when I have a grandson'. In my case, 'I'll be so happy if my parents are beyond happy'.

But why wait? If you can just tweak your point of view a little, you can usually see abit more fun and humour in things. Be more alive. If you can just let loose a little, you can usually laugh at yourself. My mom sort of finds it abit bizarre to see me laughing all by myself whenever I watch some funny sitcoms/movies alone. This trait I inherit from my father. You should see him cackling like there's no tomorrow all alone in front of the TV. lol. What's wrong with the whole picture anyway? If it's funny, then it's funny. Then do the laughing. That simple.

If you find it difficult sometimes in life, just deal with it. Brace up, tilt your chin higher up and face the impediments and remember, The Almighty is always right there with 'ya.

If you can just be that bit more understanding, patient and tolerant, you can be happy now. Of course, there will always be things that we want, or events that we look forward to, and those can make us very very happy. But surely that doesn't mean we can't be happy NOW, right?

All I'm saying is, I'm thankful. For everything.

'Ya know what. This is a harmless reminder for myself really.

Be happy, folks!

Ain't too heavy

A quick pitstop. Been running amok for the last couple of days. A pretty smooth case of procrastination of completing my 'by all accounts have done it-all last week' major crisis. Ha ha.

Anyways.

One of the qualities that I want in my dream guy. Look at the picture. Can you guess???

Yeap.

He, by all means, my significant other can carry me (omg yes ME!, my dears) on his back. I could have prolonged this whole post on something deeper and hopefully more consequential and wait.. romantic too, but sadly, I can't at the moment. On a tight schedule over here.

So.

How's that for the thought of 'Seriously. Am not kidding. You really need to lose some weight' ?

*sighs...

Top 10 Most Irritating Expressions. 'Ya think so?

So I came across this online article on the overused of certain words. I'm not fairly sure though the findings are based on 70 percents of the world's English-talking general population or whatnot 'cos it's very brief but this is what some Oxford so-called brains had their minds on.

Researchers at the University of Oxford compiled a list of the Top 10 Most Irritating Expressions in the English language.

Here are the ten awful phrases:

1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science

It's stated that Oxford scholars maintain a big database of overused words and phrases called the Oxford University Corpus. The list of irritating expressions is from Jeremy Butterfield's book, Damp Squid: The English Language Laid Bare

So.

Having said that, at this moment in time, I personally think that it's a nightmare that people are sometimes judged from the way they talk or write for that matter. It's not a rocket science when it comes to language and communication and with all due respect to the Oxford researchers, I do find it's fairly unique when a large number of people are using the same overused words or phrases in their daily sentences.

I mean, come on. At the end of the day, we are simply just human beings trying to express our thoughts and feelings 24/7, regardless of using way too many times the same words. Absolutely forgivable.

This shouldn't of got highlighted.

Get it??!